Things Could Not Be Worse: Teen Stress Is Heavier Than We Think

By Kendra Bobowick

The many emotional shards lacerating teen years have different sources, say several professionals in town.

“Adolescence is a very dramatic time. Things are not just good, they’re fabulous; things are not just bad, they’re awful,” said Bart Schofield, a marriage and family counselor and therapist who operates a private practice in town and who often works with teens.

“They feel stress is so enormous they can’t handle it,” he said. “Teens have a terribly hard time with adolescence.”

Mr Schofield also draws further attention to perception, a crucial denominator in teen stress.

“A lot of kids feel everything is on their shoulders,” said Mr Schofield, who revealed a critical discrepancy, saying, “If they repeatedly fail, they throw up their hands and say, ‘I am a failure.’” He stressed that a failed test is far from being a failure as a person.

“That’s dangerous,” he cautioned. “That’s when they’re down on themselves.”

Mr Schofield illuminates another scenario where teens are fighting both emotions and uncertainty. “Kids don’t know what to do with their feelings, especially boys. That’s where it comes out as anger,” he said.

Luckily, the problems of stress are not without solutions.

“Supportive friends and family are a big help,” Mr Schofield said. “Having adults who listen to you — parents, clergy, a counselor. For the teen to be taken seriously can reduce stress and create confidence.”

The task is not as simple as it sounds, however. Mr Schofield explained, “It’s not always easy for an adult to realize that what a child is saying is really important to that teen.”

As a counselor and family therapist, Mr Schofield said he understands the “family system,” and experience has molded his professional view of what teens need. “They really want to be heard,” he said.

How stress is handled is a key factor, said Mr Schofield. Support is invaluable.

Mr Schofield said, “A teen can be more comfortable with a support network, and see he doesn’t have to do this all himself.”

Mr Schofield explains stress’s overblown proportions in teen’s lives. “Maybe it’s a test score, but it’s their world.” Concerned about extreme anxiety, he said, “Things get to a point that stress is a problem. Children may be bottled up, they may turn to drugs, then suicide, and that’s scary.”

Most importantly, he said, “You can’t take chances, so you really have to pay attention.”

On The Level

Childhood’s monsters are dispelled by adolescence and replaced with fears from fitting in with other students to finding the right college.

Staring eye-to-eye with the causes of stress are the young adults in town.

High school student Erin Clark, a job bank coordinator with Newtown Youth Services, perked up at the chance to talk about pressures in teens’ lives, beginning with entering high school.

“From 14 [years old] and up in high school, it’s a whole new set of stressors that you never experienced,” Erin said. “More is expected of you.” She then explained that in high school students must motivate themselves, pursue their extracurricular activities, and find time to maintain grades.

 Adding to the school demands are social issues that can include a teen’s self-image, as Erin describes. “I think there is always a pressure to fit in.”

Finding a comfortable place among a group of peers is critical, she feels. “Maybe not popularity, but a circle of friends is important. It would be hard without that.”

For Erin, her older sister is a source of guidance and support, she said. The teenage years are also a time of first experiences, with which Erin is familiar.

High school students and teens are faced with new experiences.

“I have witnessed a lot of firsts for people — car accidents, deaths in the family,” said Erin, who also noted the significance of the many teens she sees turning to family and friends during these times.

Emotions and beliefs present another frontier in teenage years. Erin describes this period as “still kind of ‘between.’ A teen is finding footing for political ideas, finding out what they believe.”

Creating a stark perspective, she said, “Me, and my generation, we can vote in the next [Presidential] election, and we want to sort out what we believe.”

High school presents teens with both opportunities and choices. Alcohol is among the selection, said Erin.

“This differs from person to person about how to handle it,” she said. She feels that some students may unfortunately seek acceptance through drinking. “That’s a pressure if that’s something you think will help you fit in,” she said.

Time-sensitive issues such as college applications accompany fringe pressures such as separating from friends and leaving home.

Taking on some of these pressures are students and friends Kate Levasseur and Lauren Egdahl. The two young women are both daydreaming about and worrying over college.

Kate admitted she wants to go far from home, possibly Colorado, but is also looking at the University of Connecticut. She and Lauren also want to go to the same college.

Some elements are at odds in the pursuit, however. While Kate likes the idea of going far away, Lauren said her parents “want me closer.”.

Flashing a warning at both girls are the dollar signs associated with higher education. They both mentioned that money is a large factor in their decision. Tuition prices are a large piece of college costs.

(Please see related article, “Counseling Professionals Cast Light On Dark Side Of Teen Years”)