In a little over a month, the Newtown High School Class of 2004 will graduate. These last few weeks will be an important time for the graduating seniors. It will also be a important time for parents as they try to support and encourage their kids on the victory lap without surrendering their parental prerogatives.

Most of parents of the Class of 2004 grew up listening to John Lennon, the Beatle, poet, activist, and cultural icon. He was also a parent, and something he said on the subject of parenting still rings true today: “The pressures of being a parent are equal to any pressure on earth. To be a conscious parent, and really look to that little being’s mental and physical health, is a responsibility which most of us, including me, avoid most of the time because it’s too hard.” In the past two weeks, two separate groups of high school students have added an important postscript to this observation: Don’t avoid that responsibility, no matter how hard it gets. Your kids’ lives may depend on it.

On April 28 a panel of high school students candidly discussed alcohol and substance abuse among teenagers, and on Monday this week, another group of students engaged adults in a discussion of underage drinking. Their message was the same. These problems are not just kid problems — they are family problems. In a commentary piece on page A-2 this week, the student panelists at the April 28 session offer some concise and potent suggestions to parents. We urge every parent to read it.

Communication lies at the wise heart of every functional family. That means articulating clear and unambiguous messages about the use of alcohol and drugs by teens. (So-called lock-in parties send a dangerous, mixed message: It is dangerous to be impaired, and yet it is OK.) Know your children’s friends, and talk with them. Know where your kids are going and with whom they are going. Maintain an open and honest dialogue within the family, and never forget that dialogue requires that you stop talking sometimes and listen carefully.

Sure, it is hard to be a responsible parent. But the consequences of irresponsibility can be much harder to live with. The success and happiness that will come to the Class of 2004 in the next month depends as much on the conduct of adults as on the conduct of kids.