A Letter To Dad

(The Bee has received for publication the following letter to Newtown resident Bruce Goulart from his daughter, Lisa Goulart of Woodbury.)

Dear Dad:

Today is your 55th birthday. I tried to think of something special to get you. It was tougher than I thought. What do you get a man who really seems to not care about such things? How do I make him realize he means so much more to me than a gift would show?

As time goes on in my life and I learn so much. I realize how lucky I am to have you. That through these years and all my mistakes I only seem to care about is, what would you do? What would you think? What would you advise me? Then I call you. There is a silence on the other end. Just a quiet calm. Often, in the background I hear the gentle sound of the chair squeaking as you rock. It’s such a comforting sound. You don’t speak. You just listen. Then I let the silence hang in the air. Then my patience starts to break and I say a bit timidly,  “Sooo?”....and you reply, “So what?” and that’s when I know. I have an answer. You begin to talk to me honestly and clearly. Without judgment. And it amazes me. This surely can’t be the same dad I grew up with. The same dad I was petrified of? But it is.

That’s when I realize how lucky I truly am. I have a dad who made mistakes and learned from them. A dad who admits he could have done things differently. A dad who isn’t afraid to change things about himself and rethinks things. Then I realize my dad isn’t just a dad. He’s a man. He lives like that. He is a man who has integrity, honesty, and compassion. Who, isn’t perfect and embraces that part of himself. A man who let go of whatever held him in. A man who when I feel I need, is there for me. Rocking and listening.

A man and a dad that I hope realizes how much his daughter loves him. How proud of him I am. How I see my father as a living example of what I want to be. How as the years have gone on I try harder and harder to be like him. To remember the good things he taught me. To be as dependable, honest, and giving to my own kids. Dad, I want you to know that I have learned more from you in the last ten years than I ever did. That seeing you grow as person has sustained me. It has encouraged me to look at myself and not be afraid to change myself for the better. That forgiveness for past mistakes is possible and often easier than we think. That love and respect truly does grow and gets deeper with each passing day. That I hope I can be to my kids what you are to me.

Happy Birthday, I love you.

Lisa

357 Main Street South, Woodbury                         February 1, 2005