Some Tips For Coping With The Holiday Blues

By Jan Howard

For some people, the holidays never quite measure up to expectations, and this inability to achieve that picture-perfect holiday can lead to depression known as the holiday blues.

People need to approach the holiday with realistic expectations to avoid disappointment, according to Peggy Grimes, LCSW, DCSW, of the Family Counseling Center.

Ms Grimes discussed “Holiday Blues” during a workshop December 13 at the Cyrenius H. Booth Library. She led a discussion on how to deal with stress and depression during the holidays.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, and for many people they are, she said. But for others, holiday traditions, family get-togethers, and other holiday activities can lead to stress and depression.

“When people say ‘Christmas,’ what pops into your head?” Ms Grimes asked.

Those in attendance mentioned feeling alone or experiencing a feeling of isolation, and not being part of the holiday cheer, perhaps because of limited finances, change in marital status, or conflicts with family members.

There may be conflicts between a person’s expectations of the holidays and expectations of family members. Excessive spending and going into debt to provide presents equal to other family members’ spending can cause stress and financial burdens that outlast the holidays and create guilt and anxiety.

In addition to causing indebtedness, shopping can create additional stress. “You can drive yourself crazy trying to get the perfect present,” Ms Grimes said. At the same time, while a person may be trying to buy gifts that will please others, some recipients are not polite in their acceptance of what to them may not be the perfect gift.

For those unable to afford the trappings of Christmas, seeing all the lights on houses can be depressing. “There is great competition to have houses decorated,” Ms Grimes said.

The holidays can be very stressful, Ms Grimes said. Even TV programming can add to it, showing TV specials and sitcoms that have a holiday theme, in which the ending is always happy. This encourages the expectation that everything will be beautiful while in reality the holiday for some people might be a disaster, particularly for those who are alone or have an addiction.

The gathering of family members together can create additional stress. Some may have good memories of past holidays, but for others the holidays can be very painful, especially if their memories of past holidays are not good. Anticipation can lead to feelings of unhappiness and worry. This is particularly true if there is conflict among some members of the family.

 “When the day comes, it’s a bust,” Ms Grimes said. “Families can be some of the most difficult people to negotiate with.”

Ms Grimes said the key to surviving the holidays is to know how to respond to feelings and to keep expectations realistic.

People who are depressed during the holidays don’t talk about it, she said. “To cover that up, they buy more. They go to the mall, thinking it will make them feel better.”

There are strategies to make the holidays better. Simplifying can be an answer, Ms Grimes said.

“Look at your expectations of yourself and others,” she said. “Do the best that you can.”

Be giving and loving. Ignore what people are doing to cause you to feel stressed.

If there is a conflict within the family, don’t add fuel to the fire, she suggested. “Families can push our buttons. They know just how to do it.”

Set boundaries, she said. Don’t spend more for gifts than you can afford. Don’t push yourself to do so much that you become stressed and depressed.

A picture-perfect holiday is probably not going to happen, Ms Grimes advised. “Be realistic.”

The Family Counseling Center, a licensed, accredited non-profit mental health agency located on Mt Pleasant Road, is offering a series of free monthly workshops on mental health issues of interest to families and individuals. The workshops are supported by a grant from the Union Savings Bank Foundation.