Froggie Went

A-Courting

By Nancy K. Crevier

From actually capturing the object of desire to capturing the heart of the beloved, courting has come a long way since ancient times when relationships were far from consensual and picking a mate may have meant literally and figuratively picking up a partner and taking her away. But as archaic as the caveman’s unrequited selection of a mate may seem, to young people today who prefer to hook up, no strings attached, the idea of a movie and handholding may be considered equally quaint.

Even hook ups, a no commitments make-out or sexual encounter, can evolve into a romantic relationship, and modified versions of dating take place to allow the couple to get to know one another better.

Very early marriages dealt not with love, but with practicality. Marriages arranged by the parents took place to improve a family’s business and social standings, or to acquire property and prestige. By Shakespeare’s time, romance had taken the driver’s seat, as sonnets and serenades of that era will support. Despite the recognition of romance in a relationship, though, the practice of arranged marriages remained prevalent, with female chastity a valued virtue.

Premarital sex was not approved of during Colonial days, but young people were not as highly chaperoned as in previous centuries or as they would be in the decades to come. Couples met at churches and social activities, and the development of a relationship was not always under the watchful eye of parents. It was not uncommon for a young couple interested in each other to get to know each other — in bed. Practicing what may have been the first “safe sex,” fully dressed and with a “bundling board” — a sturdy wooden plank — placed securely between them in the bed, the young people were encouraged to become better acquainted.

The Victorian era ushered in a more formal code of courting, according to about.com. Romantic love was a requirement to pursue a relationship, but particularly for the upper class, involved specific steps. Young men were expected to present a card to the woman he desired to court, and if she responded in like, he might be allowed to walk her home from an event, under the careful watch of a chaperone. If the parents approved, the young gentleman could call at the girl’s home, and should the relationship advance, a marriage proposal in writing would be expected.

It was also during the Victorian period that the presentation of a ring as a sign of engagement became popular.

Today’s woman might look upon the Victorian practices as oppressive to women, but the woman actually wielded more power in the direction a relationship went at that time than in later years, when dating and the practice of the man paying the way put women in a position of perceived obligation.

The custom of a couple going on a date as a way to get to know one another was popularized in the early to mid-1900s. While the goal in previous courtships was ultimately marriage, dating is seen more of a way to socialize and hone one-on-one skills as young people seek a more permanent relationship.

It is very likely that technology played a part in the role of dating during the 1900s, as it does today. Movie theaters offered a glimpse into the outside world and values, access to automobiles meant that couples had even more privacy outside of the parental home, and telephones allowed couples to connect regularly.

Today, social online networks, cellphones, and instant messaging have changed the face, once again, of dating. Still, whatever form courtship takes — a mantle tossed across a puddle, a single red rose, or a Smiley emoticon — people continue the ageless search for the perfect soul mate and let their hearts lead the way.