V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Can Spell S-T-R-E-S-S

FARMINGTON — School will be out soon and many families are planning that summer vacation. Meant to be relaxing, vacations can also cause stress, said University of Connecticut Health Center psychologist Dr Karen Steinberg.

“Complications can arise when a family spends extended periods of time together, especially in a novel setting. Each person may have a different idea and negotiating competing needs can create stress,” she said. “Family members will also have to depend on each other in ways that are different from the normal routine of family life and that, too, can be stressful.”

But there are ways to avoid vacation pitfalls. Dr Steinberg suggests starting with the basics.

First find out who wants to go on vacation and work from there. Perhaps teens want to stay home and supervision can be arranged for them; or younger children have been invited to join friends’ families. Making kids go when they do not have to can backfire.

Consider finances and set limits. Then discuss what kind of vacation is possible. Is the goal to relax at the beach, discover a distant land, or a camp in the mountains?

Try to incorporate everyone’s preferences, but with the understanding that everyone will not necessarily get everything they want. Compromise before departure.

For families with older children, make them responsible for gathering information for some aspect of the trip.

Once on vacation, consider letting older children spend time away from the adults and vice versa. Or plan some activities that can be done by some of the family members instead of all of them together. For a night out alone, parents may want to consider a baby-sitter.

Anticipate some stress and conflict during the vacation, but do not allow it to spoil the entire trip. Deal with it as best you can and then let it go. Maintain perspective when conflicts occur. Ask yourself, “Is it more important to get my way, or to preserve a sense of connection and relatedness with my family?”

If possible, working parents might want to take an extra day off before returning to their jobs.

“These hints are meant be helpful in creating a less stressful vacation scenario,” said Dr Steinberg. “Keep your expectations realistic. If you’re envisioning your family as part of a TV vacation commercial, you’ll be disappointed. Remember Chevy Chase in Vacation and European Vacation? Presumably, it will be better than that,” she said.