Commentary—

Demonizing Television Does Nothing To Help Parents

By Suzy DeYoung

After reading Donald Kaul’s commentary in last week’s Bee on the increase in television viewing among children and its detrimental effects (“Television Ruins Kids”), I am compelled to offer an alternate view of the issue. Mr Kaul claims that television viewing “ruins” kids. Such a blanket and pejorative statement, however, does little to help parents who truly would like to decrease their child’s viewing habits. Instead of focusing on how children are “ruined” by excessive exposure to the media, we should instead be concentrating on ways in which to empower parents so that they can help their children be responsible and informed viewers.

A cynical account of the increase and subsequent dire effects of children’s television viewing is counterproductive. For one thing, most families watch TV. Informing parents that they are impairing their children will only make many of them feel defensive. Alternatively, if a parent, incited by anxiety, rids the home of TV altogether, they run the risk of making it far more seductive to their children. Given the fact that the television set is a staple in the majority of homes worldwide, and is clearly not going anywhere, warning parents that TV will turn their children into sedentary lug-heads offers them no useful insight.

Parents need constructive ideas they can implement. Removing TV altogether can work well for some families. For others, however, it can make matters worse. A child may feel deprived, finding any opportunity to sneak TV programs on their computer or go off to a friend’s home to watch. Many adults who were not allowed to watch television as children have said that once out of their house they spent hours on the couch consumed with their new “toy.” Rather than communicating the evils of the media, let’s explore what parents can do to make television and advertising less of an influence in their children’s lives.

We have struggled with this issue in our own home. Last summer our 14-year old daughter campaigned for a “TV-free household.” She had, for someone her age, some very strong and admirable opinions about television’s pitfalls. Posting signs around the house such as “Live free — no TV” and “Turn off the TV and read a book” we were hard pressed not to listen. Her two younger brothers, however, were quite opposed to the idea. After much discussion we came to an agreement. We would cancel our cable for two months. Two months turned into four and still no one complained. After four months, however, my sons (and my husband for that matter), were fully ready to bring TV back to our home. (My daughter and I were quite content without it.) Nevertheless, it became clear that keeping television from the rest of the family was significantly increasing its lure. Despite the fact that TV is back in our home, I believe this “experiment” left a sizable impression on our children. It inspired them to question the status quo and the “importance” of TV.

There are other initiatives parents can take if they are concerned about their child’s viewing habits:

*Turn the TV off during the week. (We have been doing this for many years.) Although most children will protest initially, it does not take long for it to simply become routine. Do our kids rush to the TV as soon as they get home on Friday? Yes, they do. Nonetheless, kids “get it” and will internalize the message their parents are trying to send.

*Mute the commercials. We started this when our kids were young. Now that they are older they are less consistent with it; yet I believe that remembering when “mom and dad made us mute the commercials” will be enough to inspire them to look differently at advertising.

*Make a schedule. Make it clear that TV viewing follows time outdoors or homework or whatever you value more. Let them know you value these things more than TV and why. Set a timer for when viewing time is up and enforce it.

*Watch TV together and discuss what you see. I discovered my son’s fascination with magic when he shared his interest in magician David Blaine’s program. I’ve also sat through a few episodes of I Carly in an effort to appreciate their interest in that program. When TV viewing is part of a shared experience it can offer some warm times together and can provide opportunities for discussion.

*Involve kids in what is going on. Teach kids what advertisers are trying to accomplish with commercials. Kids are fascinated with advertising ploys, such as the couch on American Idol being red and white in order to entice viewers to drink Coke without consciously knowing why. Children are much less likely to be affected by advertising if they know some of the “tricks.” Children also feel good when involved in such discussions. Let them know you value their input. Have family meetings and ask their opinion on how much TV time they think is fair. You may be surprised.

The reality is kids today are consuming more media outlets like never before. Is it unsettling? Yes, it is. Nevertheless, if a parent excessively demonizes the media, they run the risk of losing influence and alienating their child on this issue. This is not the goal. Today more than ever parents and kids need to be connected. A strong parent/child connection fosters resiliency. And resilient kids are more likely to ask questions and to make wiser choices. Parents ought to join with their kids — see what they are viewing — get involved.

The Nielsen study to which Mr Kaul refers cites the recent huge increase in TV viewing among kids who are 2 to 5 — ages when parents do have more control. Start the dialogue when they are young. Arming parents with sensible options allows them to help their children utilize the media wisely. Ultimately when all is said and done, children will be far more influenced by their parents than by the perils of television.

(Suzy DeYoung is a parent coach with a private practice in Sandy Hook [peaceofmindparentcoaching.com]. She worked for more than ten years in television production and currently writes for an online publication.)