Message At Parent Connection Program: Humor Helps

By Laurie Borst

On the evening of October 5, Dr Joyce Saltman gave a talk at the Parent Connection meeting titled, “Who Said Parenting Wasn’t Funny?” She offered common sense approaches to parenting issues through the lens of slightly cynical, Jackie Mason-esque comedy.

The evening began with Dr Saltman asking everyone to say hello to the people around them. Then she asked how many were single parents. She announced that, by the end of the evening, she wanted each single parent to get the number of another single parent — not for dating, but to develop a support system.

She stressed the need of people to have a good support system, friends and family that share one’s beliefs and values. It is easier to cope with problems when we have someone to talk with, she said.

“And our kids need friends for a support system,” Dr Saltman added. “Get to know your kids’ friends’ parents. You need good families for backup because as dumb as you are — according to your child — that’s how smart your child thinks Johnny’s parents are.”

Dr Saltman related humorous anecdotes to make the point about a sense of humor helping deal with adversity, putting problems in perspective. A little distance can help one focus also. A story about her stressing over the GREs led to sharing the notion with your children that you are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.

She told the audience to be aware of differences in children. Even within the same family, different kids require different approaches.

“Fair does not mean the same,” Dr Saltman stated. She related how her daughter had gotten her driver’s license at 16 while she would not even consider driving lessons for her son until he was 18, based on maturity level.

“Someone has to say no and be the grown-up,” she told the group. “Monitor what your kids wear, what they buy. It’s OK to set rules, to have reasonable expectations.”

Dr Saltman discussed the meaning of the word “mitzvah.” Many people think that mitzvah means good deed. Dr Saltman explained that in Hebrew, there is the notion of being commanded to do good deeds. The word in Aramaic actually means connected. “We connect to others through good deeds,” she said.

“The real job of parents,” she said, “is to connect with our kids.”