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Lunch & Learn Program-- Message For Care Givers: "Care For Yourself"

BY JAN HOWARD

It is as important for care givers to care for themselves as it is to care for

their loved ones.

This was the message conveyed by Kendell B. Smith, PhD, in a discussion with

15 participants at The Healthy at Any Age Lunch & Learn program October 20 at

the Cyrenius Booth Library.

The program, "Caring for One's Self While Caring for a Loved One," was

sponsored by Ashlar of Newtown and the library.

Dr Smith, a community educator/liaison with the Connecticut Hospice in

Branford, holds a BA in psychology and a PhD, with a concentration in

thanatology.

According to statistics, one in four American families -- about 22 million

households -- care for someone 50 or older, providing help with their physical

needs, such as bathing, dressing, and monitoring medications, and money

management.

Dr Smith, a care giver himself, led a discussion about some of the things they

have observed about themselves, relatives or friends who care for an ill

person.

Some common characteristics displayed by care givers are: exhaustion, stress,

frustration, impatience (and the guilt associated with being impatient with a

sick relative), anger, self pity, abuse, indifference, denial, fatigue,

general decline in physical health, and signs of depression, including loss of

appetite, sleeplessness, weight loss, inability to concentrate, loss of

interest in life, and isolation.

"If you become so stressed to become incapacitated, who will take care of

you?" Dr Smith said. "It behooves you to take care of yourself."

Dr Smith said some potential solutions to the stresses of care giving include

taking time off from caring for the individual by taking a vacation, seeking

respite care, or by delegating responsibility either to volunteers or paid

care givers.

He said care givers should vary their traditional routines -- watch TV, read a

book, or see a movie.

"If you know you have choices, it will give you a break in your routine and

make a measurable difference," he said.

He said care givers should exercise regularly and join a care givers support

group.

Family support groups can give care givers a chance to share their feelings

with others who are having similar experiences.

"One of the first things they remark upon is that they are not the only person

doing that. They are able to talk to others. This is of great value," he said.

"If you know someone who is a care giver, take the person out and have a

volunteer come in to fill in," he said. "It brings unbelievable relief."

He said there are other options that provide a care giver with some welcome

relief.

An adult day care facility may be one answer. "Investigate if one exists

nearby," he said.

If it doesn't, he said, perhaps volunteers could take over for the care giver

for a few hours.

He reiterated how important it is for care givers to take care of themselves.

"Care givers should not forget themselves," he said, stressing the need for a

physical assessment and possible medications.

Dr Smith said he has known people who have cared for a loved one for many

years.

"It takes a tremendous amount of energy," he noted. Though he said these

people do not want to put a loved one in a nursing home, alternatives, such as

adult day care or respite care, should be investigated.

Caring for a loved one for a long period of time can take "a tremendous toll,"

he said.

One attendee said care givers should find ways to equip the home to be a

labor-saving, physically non-taxing environment. Another suggested the

installation of movement sensors that set off an alarm if the patient wanders,

as can often happen with Alzheimer's.

Most of all, care givers should change the way they look at the situation.

They should not take on the role of martyrdom, but find another way of looking

at their role.

Dr Smith urged care givers to get training from professionals.

"Learn how to give shots if you are willing to do so," he said.

Have a needs assessment conducted by a professional.

"Look at all the alternatives," he said. "Make sure you are getting all the

help you can. Open yourself to ideas. Share your concerns with others who have

ideas on how to get relief."

Information on alternatives for care givers was provided at the program.

One of them, a Connecticut Statewide Respite Care Program funded by the State

Department of Social Services, offers daytime or overnight relief for care

givers of individuals with Alzheimer's or related disorders. Information about

this program can be obtained from Ashley D. Minogue, program coordinator,

Western Connecticut Area Agency on Aging, at 203/757-5449 or 1-800/994-9422.

Care Givers should ask their doctor about community agencies that provide

assistance. Social Services agencies and home health care agencies can provide

sources of information. Assistance may also be obtained through licensed

nurses, social workers, therapists, adult day care centers, transportation and

grocery shopping services.

For care givers interested in obtaining more information, the Cyrenius Booth

Library collection offers the following books: Caring for the Caregiver: A

Guide to Living with Alzheimer's Disease by Nancy Mace; The 36-Hour Day: A

Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer's Disease, Related Dementing

Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins,

MD; and What To Do When Loved Ones Can't Remember What They Should: Is It

Alzheimer's? by Roger Granet, MD and Eileen Fallon.

The Lunch & Learn series presents free educational lectures to the community

that are designed to bring the latest about health care decisions, living

well, and how one's lifestyle can make a difference.

All area seniors are invited to attend the program, and a complimentary lunch

is provided.

The next program will be Yoga Instruction for the Elderly on November 17.

Pre-registration is required. Call Hilda DeLucia at Ashlar of Newtown,

426-5847.