Adoption Month Has Extra Meaning For Newtown Family

By John Voket

“I can’t tell you how wonderful this entire program is, and the benefits you get for a lifetime just for being there for these kids.”

That observation from Newtown resident Christine Wheway not only sums up why she is among the strongest local advocates for the Connecticut Department of Children and Families foster and adoption services division, but also speaks to why she and her husband John were inspired to first become foster parents, and eventually create a permanent adoptive home for Rose, a recent and cherished addition to their household.

November is National Adoption Month, and the Wheways were special guests recently when the regional DCF office held an open house information session for its foster and adoption program at demitasse cafe in Sandy Hook. One of Newtown’s newest adoptive families, the trio was a fixture at the event for more than an hour.

While they were there, the Wheways chatted with DCF representatives, interested visitors, and Newtown Police Officer Steve Siecienski, who was there supporting the department’s “Stuff-A-Cruiser” toy drive for foster and adopted children.

Prior to the event, Ms Wheway spoke to The Bee about the experience and motivation that prompted John and her to get involved in the program in such a committed way.

“There were issues with infertility that we were going through,” Ms Wheway explained candidly. “We looked at overseas adoption, but we made the decision that there are so many kids right here in Connecticut who needed our help just as much if not more.”

She recalled the clichés from classic movies, particularly the words of Father Flanagan from the classic film Boys Town.

“He always said, There is no such thing as a bad kid.’ And I agree,” Ms Wheway said. “There is just bad parenting.”

A Lifelong Decision

Affirming the lifelong commitment is critical, Ms Wheway reviewed the process she and her husband experienced in order to first qualify to provide foster care, and then the next step of becoming permanent adoptive parents.

“It’s a fairly long process,” she said. “There are classes you have to attend for quite a few weeks, but you learn a lot about how to handle them, how to deal with them. These kids are not the simplest — they have experienced and seen things we have never thought about in our lifetime. They are coming from broken homes and difficult situations.”

According to Ms Wheway, it is about learning how to handle behaviors that are rooted in the difficult environments these children come from.

“Like all kids, they will have their problems. But these kids are coming into your home with these issues,” she said.

The Wheways started out with a couple of other foster placements. And then one day, they met 8-year-old Rose.

“Rose came to us as a foster child,” Ms Wheway said. “We expected to foster her, and we expected she would go back with her family.”

Unfortunately, for a host of reasons, that reunion with Rose’s birth family did not occur.

“So the option became available for us — did we want to adopt Rose?” Ms Wheway recalled. “So we asked Rose, and she actually chose to be adopted by us!”

Describing the potential as “a perfect match,” the Wheways immediately launched into the stepped-up process of becoming Rose’s legal parents.

“The paperwork moves very, very fast at that point. And the next thing we knew, we were sitting in the probate court being told, ‘She is yours.’”

The adoption not only brought Rose into the Wheway household, but also ushered in the presence of a DCF support worker, who Ms Wheway said is there every step of the way, and will remain involved until their new adopted daughter becomes a legal adult, and possibly beyond that point.

“You’re never left to do anything alone,” she said. “That support worker is there for you, that support worker is there for your child, and in situations you come across that you may not be able to handle, they are there to help you through every step of the way,” Mrs Wheway said.

Diverse Services And

Support

There are also support groups, legal assistance, and a host of other activities that bring together adopted and foster families to network and support each other. There is also medical and, in qualifying cases, educational assistance as well, Ms Wheway explained.

“It’s not just some. When you foster a child, their medical expenses are completely covered by the state. These is the promise of a college education and tuition covered basically at the cost of UConn,” she said. “And if they choose to pursue that education, you can help with it, but most of the necessities are covered.”

Along with the foster and adoptive opportunities available through DCF, Family & Children’s Aid (FCA) with offices in Danbury and New Milford offers high quality, innovative. and responsive programs and services to heal and support children and families in crisis.

“We are actively seeking to license foster families that can offer stability and security for these children, as well as adoptive and respite care homes, as there are [thousands of] children in Connecticut everyday waiting for a home,” said Angela Brunetti with the agency’s Foster Care Program. “We have contract with DCF to provide foster care at a therapeutic level for children that have experienced trauma in their lives.”

Children served by FCA are between the ages of 6 and 17 years. Families licensed by FCA receive monetary support up to $20,000 per year, per child.

“We also provide an extensive matching and transition process before placing a child in a foster home,” Ms Brunetti said.

FCA also offers numerous programs designed to help foster families succeed. 

“The therapeutic foster family will become part of a child’s team of professionals who are working together to help a child succeed,” she added.

For more information on how an individual, couple, or family can participate, call 888-YOU-BELONG.

To reach the DCF adoption and foster program, call 888-KID-HERO.