A small flag with a blue star in the center, bordered by white and red, hangs in the front window of the Gottmeier home in Newtown. Holly Gottmeier is quite proud to have it there, marking her as a “Blue Star Mother,” with a child in the service.

The word “proud” peppers a conversation with Ms Gottmeier. She is proud of her husband, Richard; proud of her five children; and proud of the many men and women who serve in the armed forces of the United States. As Veterans Day, November 11, draws near, she reflected on that pride.

They are a military family and patriotic, she said, and she is proud of that. Her husband, a retired colonel in the US Army, served in the reserves for 28 years, and one son, William, graduated from West Point in 1994 and has served in the Army since then. Currently, he is a lieutenant colonel serving at Fort Wainwright in Alaska, as assistant deputy commander.

Another son, Peter, served four years in the Marines, and one daughter, Sarah, was in the 101 First Airborne Unit of the Army from 1994 to 1998. Her husband and Peter both were stationed overseas for the first Gulf War, Desert Storm, 1990 to 1991. Sarah spent one year of her service in Korea.

The Blue Star is for another family member — a foster son, now 29 years old, and serving in Afghanistan.

“On my side of the family, I’ve had someone in service to our country since the Revolutionary War,” Ms Gottmeier said. The family lost a member during the Civil War, and her father served in the Army during World War II. “I had a brother in the Navy and a brother in the Army,” she said.

As the wife and mother of service men and women, Ms Gottmeier is practiced in handling the long separations and concerns about the safety of her loved ones.

“You’re very, very proud, but very, very worried,” she admitted. When her husband and son were serving in Desert Storm, it was an era before the ease of communication by e-mail. “We had good old-fashioned mail and maybe my husband could call home every ten days or so,” she said. Because her son was stationed aboard a ship, he could not make calls. She relied on the occasional letter to calm any fears she had.

At that time, her daughters, Sarah, Melissa, and Rachel, were still at home, and she had taken in two infant foster children. When the rare call came from her husband, they talked about family and home. “We didn’t talk about the war, and he usually could not even tell me where he was,” said Ms Gottmeier.

She found that keeping busy and support from groups of others with family in the military made it possible to endure difficult times. “These local groups that formed were very, very helpful. Everyone was in the same circumstance as you. People did reach out, too, if they knew you had a loved one gone,” said Ms Gottmeier.

The support groups allowed participants to let out feelings and give and receive help, as a group. To know that she was assisting others through a difficult time eased her own concerns, she said.

Whether involved in an active war or stationed stateside, being in the armed forces always holds an element of danger. “You always worry about your children,” she said. Her faith and her husband’s faith have carried them through. “I do a lot of praying,” and having the support of St Rose priest Father Bierge during Desert Storm was important, said Ms Gottmeier. The priest called her once a week, and her husband kept in touch with Fr Bierge by mail.

As difficult as it is to know that a child has chosen to put him or herself in harm’s way, for others, Ms Gottmeier is adamant that it is the right thing to do. “Freedom doesn’t come free. There’s always someone there to back up the freedom of our country. Children have to follow their dreams,” she said, even if it is hard on a parent to let go. “If they have it in them to defend their country for us, you have to let them. If nobody wanted to join the military, what would we have?” she asked. “Let [children] do what they think is right for their country. You can’t think about worst scenarios. You hope for the best,” she said.

Neither Melissa nor Rachel chose to follow a military path, and that is fine by the rest of the family. “Joining the armed forces has to be something you really want and enjoy. Melissa and Rachel have always been very proud of their father and siblings,” she said.

She is grateful that her husband and children have been successful and returned home safely from tours of duty. “William has been four times to Afghanistan, and once to Iraq. He says it is a place you never want to be, but he was there to support and defend.”

Ms Gottmeier knows that not everyone is so fortunate as their family. “I feel sorry when these soldiers come back missing limbs or with PTSD, or for the hard time they have after so much time away. You have to be proud of what they are doing, though, for our whole country,” said Ms Gottmeier.

Support those soldiers who have returned home damaged physically or mentally, she urged, and support their families, in any way possible. “We have to be there for them, when they return,” she stressed.

Ms Gottmeier is pleased that the schools are in session in Newtown, on Veterans Day. “The high school does a very nice luncheon for veterans, hosted by the students, and an assembly. Having schools open is a benefit for the kids. They talk about Veterans Day, and it’s not just a day off. This way, in school they’re learning why we have Veterans Day, and they participate in it,” said Ms Gottmeier.

Her husband attends two or three school assemblies each Veterans Day. He gets up early to be at his grandson’s school in Simsbury, then returns to Newtown for programs at Reed Intermediate and Newtown Middle School, where they have other grandchildren. If time allows, he goes to the high school, Ms Gottmeier said.

And she does not believe that the dedication to the military will end soon, for her family.

“My youngest grandson has a little Army uniform, and has asked me to shorten the pants for him. And I’m sure my grandson in Alaska will follow in his father’s footsteps,” she said.

“We are a military family,” said Ms Gottmeier — proudly.