For Crying Out Loud

 What Science And Society Say About Shedding Tears

By Nancy K. Crevier

Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton’s trembling lip and watering eyes when answering an impromptu question in New Hampshire the week of January 6 evoked varying responses, from suspicion to disgust to sympathy. “Among humans, one of the most effective ways to stop excessive intimidation in its tracks is a show of tears,” write editors Ad J.J.M. Vingerhoets and Randolph R. Cornelius in Adult Crying: A Biopsychosocial Approach (Psychology Press 2001).

Ms Clinton was not being intimidated at the time she let down her defenses, but perhaps it was the onslaught of intimidation by the press and crowds in the days leading up to that moment that caused her eyes to fill with tears. Is it a flaw in Ms Clinton’s makeup or was it a regenerating, healthy release of toxins, as theorized by researcher and biochemist Dr William Frey II, author of the 1985 book Crying: The Mystery of Tears (Harper & Row and Winston Press)?

Dr Frey’s studies suggest that Ms Clinton may have been ridding her body of excess chemicals and proteins and creating a more balanced emotional state.

Tears exist for a variety of reasons. In order for the eye to remain lubricated and free of disease, tears known as basal tears must continually bathe the eyes. Reflex tears exist in response to irritation and wash away any foreign bits or vapors that may be assaulting the eyes. Made up of water, sugars, salt, potassium, and other enzymes and hormones, basal and reflex tears keep the eye healthy.

Emotional, or psychic, tears appear due to an extreme emotion, whether happy or sad. Tears that are generated in response to a strong emotion have been found to contain more protein-based hormones, including prolactin and leucine enkephalin, a naturally occurring painkiller.

Shedding emotional tears is an exclusively human phenomenon, said Dr Frey in a recent interview. “Humans are the only animals that shed tears in response to emotional distress. Our study showed that 85 percent of women and 73 percent of men say they feel better after crying. I proposed the theory that we are removing chemicals that build up during stress,” he said. The results of his theory and research have appeared in numerous medical and psychological journals and papers, as well as in his book.

The study did show that emotional tears have higher protein content than reflex tears, “But we don’t really know what the protein differences are. There is no way we can know the entire chemical concentration of tears,” said Dr Frey. The hormone prolactin appeared to Dr Frey to be a big player in tear production, though. “Prolactin is important in why men and women cry differently,” he believes.

When Men Stop Crying

“There was a SUNY study that showed boys and girls under age 12 cry about the same amount. Our study showed that by age 18, women cry four times more each month than do men. Twelve-year-olds have the same blood level of prolactin; but by age 18, women have 60 percent more prolactin than men. Prolactin is present in the human tear gland and it’s likely it has a role in producing tears,” said Dr Frey. “We also know that at menopause, prolactin decreases and this is also a time when women develop a tear deficiency called Sjogren’s. Of those who have Sjogren’s, 90 percent are women. Again, changes in prolactin correspond to changes in tears,” he said.

Testosterone, the male hormone, may also regulate development of tear glands according to a study out of Boston by David Sullivan, said Dr Frey. That study showed that the tear glands of men and women are structurally different, and that those differences occur as testosterone levels elevate in boys as they mature. As young men and women enter puberty, anatomical differences in tear glands become apparent. Prior to that, the anatomy of tear glands is the same in boys and girls. “The reason men and women cry differently is not just social; it’s hormonal and it’s anatomical, due to hormone differences,” said Dr Frey. “Societal conditioning just adds on to that.”

A lot of men simply stop crying around age 12, Dr Frey discovered, and it is hard to regain the ability to cry. In order to cry, men need to feel the feelings that allow crying. “Boys learn to avoid crying by distracting themselves from feelings, and that carries over into manhood. It is difficult to get upset and not cry,” said Dr Frey.

For some men and women, weeping comes often and easily. For others, crying is a private behavior and one undertaken only begrudgingly. Stress, depression, or pain can trigger a spontaneous crying jag. How well controlled the crying is or is not depends upon the individual and the depth of reaction to the trigger.

Who gets to cry, how much crying is appropriate, and the reasons for crying all come into play when determining the social acceptability of tears. No one begrudges a baby tears, and a lack of tears at the loss of a loved one would be seen by most in this country as frighteningly unemotional. A stay-at-home mom can vent her frustration through a good cry, but woe to the woman in the work place who gives way to tears. A man who cries at his own wedding or at a child’s birth is seen as sensitive and caring, but if he cries out tiredness or at the sight of a beautiful painting, his masculinity might be questioned.

In the 2000 movie Bedazzled, the main character discovers that the woman of his dreams is seeking a sensitive man. He makes a pact with the devil to become the world’s most sensitive man — only to discover that his true love is swiftly turned off by his ability to turn on his tears at the drop of a hat. It is an example of the double standards that exist in the realm of emotions.

“I believe that the health benefits of crying are significant,” said Dr Frey. “We know stress causes a lot of stress-related disorders.” Studies have shown, he said, that stenosis of the coronary artery is exacerbated by stress, and that hearing about the death of a close friend or relative can increase the chance of a heart attack. “Chronic psychosocial stress causes degeneration of nerves in the hippocampus portion of the brain and can decrease the growth of BDNF [brain-derived neurotrophic factor] in the hippocampus. In other words,” said Dr Frey, “stress is bad for the brain.”

What this has to do with crying relates back to his theory that the body is ridding itself of stress waste during a crying spell. “Anything that alleviates stress can be helpful,” he said, and that includes crying. “People are doing themselves a disservice if they do not allow themselves to cry. Crying in general elicits empathy and sympathy. If you do not allow yourself to cry, then it is very disturbing to see someone else cry,” said Dr Frey. “There is no other physiologic symptom humans have that other animals do not, except crying. All of the other excretory functions are for ridding the body of waste. I believe crying does, too.”

Despite the fact that tears may serve a therapeutic need and enhance overall health, no one wants to be labeled a “crybaby.”

The Response To Crying

Newtown residents were willing to share with The Bee their thoughts on Ms Clinton’s tears, as well as their general response to crying.

“I find this whole discussion very interesting,” responded Laura Miller. “Would we be asking [about Hillary Clinton’s tears] if it was okay for a man to swear or scream if he was upset or emotional?” (Although screaming was the downfall of presidential candidate Howard Dean in 2003.) “We still ask ourselves if it is okay for a man to cry and we still question the authenticity and integrity of a woman who does… Though crying can be used to manipulate, I think it is usually seen as a genuine and pure response, except in people who act for a living like actors, and sometimes politicians,” she said. Still, it is Ms Clinton’s past stalwart persona that led Ms Miller to believe that there was no acting behind the tears shed by the presidential hopeful — only human emotion.

“It doesn’t bother me if politicians or anyone else cries in public,” said Julie Stern. “However, that being said, what really bothers me is the feeling that our entire country had been dumbed down to the point where the election is being covered as if it were an ongoing production of American Idol, in which the couch potatoes vote for the one they think is sexy, while the press pants enthusiastically in response.” Are other viable candidates for the presidency being overlooked because the media finds tears from Ms Clinton or Mr Obama’s “Kennedyesque” postures more appealing? worried Ms Stern

Ms Stern admitted to tearing up “embarrassingly in books and movies, even when reading to my grandchildren, in the presence of anything sentimental or emotional.” An emotional response to an emotional experience, however it is experienced, is not a negative, Ms Stern believes. However, she added, “Maybe it is good to be able to summon tears on command without having to bite an onion — and I think Hillary was presenting an image — and it worked.”

What brings on the tears for Katie Kent are things like movies, hurtful actions directed at her children, and work frustrations. She encourages her daughter and son to cry, but acknowledged that the day will come when her son, especially, will be mocked if he cries at school or in public. Tears, it seems, are not acceptable after a certain age, in certain circumstances.

 “As a working woman, I have cried in the workplace,” said Ms Kent. She considers crying a natural reaction to emotion, but reflected that it was not seen as professional. “I once had a boss who said to me after she screamed at me for something, ‘It’s 1990 and we [women] are not going to cry.’ Whatever that was supposed to mean.”

“I loved that Hilary cried,” said Ms Kent. “She is human, and she is exhausted and I think she is sincere in her wanting to do good for our country. It is okay for our country’s leader to cry. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to feel like the rest of us?” she asked.

Local comedian Andrew Kennedy, who has been known to make people laugh until they cry, offered some tongue-in-cheek insights into the social mores of crying.

Is it okay for men to cry over a minor injury or illness? “Men displaying those types of behavior should have been weeded out through the laws of natural selection, plus it’s such a turn-off to the ladies,” declared Mr Kennedy. It is more acceptable for women to cry in those situations, “Plus, she might have just had her nails done,” he said.

Should men cry over events like a promotion? What about women? “He should have gotten a raise months ago. He should be angry it took so long,” he offered. Women, on the other hand, “Should actually be crying because she’s still making 75 cents for every dollar her male counterpart is making for doing the exact same thing.”

As to how he feels about a person after seeing them cry, Mr Kennedy responded, “If you are a woman, less explanations are needed. But if you’re a man, you should buck up and keep it together until no one can see you. Then bawl your little eyes out and come out the other end a new man. You would be surprised how many men do just that.”

Phillip R. Shaver, professor of psychology at UCal, Davis, has studied emotions, but not specifically crying. However, in an e-mail to The Bee he said, “I’m sure the research evidence shows that women cry more often than men. It’s a finding I’ve often seen in my own studies but haven’t generally reported. What I don’t know is whether anyone has shown that crying is healthy. It might be one of many reasons women live longer than men,” he said. He suspects that women’s ability to share feelings, tears and all, with others may result in more emotional support than men get from anyone — except their female mates.

A Social Stigma

There is still a social stigma about men crying in public, believes Dr Frey, but not nearly so much as it once was. Women’s liberation gave changing attitudes to how people view men crying, and that has carried over into how we view politicians that cry, as well, he said. “With Hillary [Clinton], crying was just something that happened. She was exhausted and a little discouraged and it just came out as a natural human thing, and a healthy thing for her. We should be wanting someone ‘human’ for president,” Dr Frey observed.

As for himself, Dr Frey admitted to crying about a variety of issues. “Sometimes I cry just hearing on the news about tragedies that have happened to other people. I remember once realizing that by the time my own children were old enough to really know my grandparents, my grandparents would be gone. I was very close to them and it made me sad to think that my children would never have that relationship with them. All of a sudden, I realized I was crying, tears were running down my cheeks.”

Streaming tears are as sufficient as wracking sobs, said Dr Frey. “We have seen no advantage to the deep gasping or sobbing that accompanies tears.” The benefit is in the actual release of the tears, it appears.

“We can all acknowledge that understanding tears at the biochemical level does not negate the fact that tears have a symbolic meaning as well,” write Vingerhoets and Cornelius. The symbolism of tears speaks in different voices to each individual. But if Hillary Clinton’s tears were viewed as a sign of weakness, the polls in New Hampshire ultimately did not reflect it. Crying, apparently, is a beautiful thing.