Three Newtown High School students have been arrested on charges related to sexting, the sharing of sexually explicit photographs of themselves or others, by using cellphones, instant messaging, or similar information sharing technology. Twenty more have been referred to a community-based juvenile review board for use of mobile computer networks to share and receive sexually explicit images and videos. These actions come after eight months of investigations that initially involved dozens more students.

The behavior, though it may shock parents, presents a point of departure toward growth - for adults and young people. Instead of vilifying children who, scientists say, do not yet have mature impulse control, adults might ask themselves if they model an environment of respect.

Twenty-three may be a small slice of the approximately 1,700 students attending Newtown High School, but it should be a disturbing number to the community, not only for the fact that students are engaged in casual sexual encounters, but because of the lack of true human intimacy involved, suggests Newtown psychiatrist John Woodall. While curiosity and exploration of sexuality is quite natural, sexting is a more depersonalized action, a cultural issue "amplified by social media," he explains.

It is the immediacy of social media connections that makes sexting at once desirable and hazardous for teens, agrees Newtown Youth & Family Services counselor Jessica Ward. It rewards a part of the brain that then demands repetition of that stimuli. "Adolescents have always been experimenting with sex. This is just a vehicle, but there's no delay [in sharing information]," she says.

Embrace the situation as a chance to engage in conversations that may be awkward, say the experts. When families are "plugged in" to each other through open conversations, young people may still make bad choices, but maybe not horrible choices. Let young people know in whom they can safely confide - if not at home, then with a professional or a substance abuse counselor at the school, who can keep that conversation confidential.

The legal boundaries of sexting are important to talk about, but it is more important to convey a sense of nurturing healthy intimacy and a core respect for dignity toward themselves and others, Dr Woodall advises. A conversation parents must have is what helps move that young person forward; what action taken or not taken moves them toward a positive future.

It will take courage for adults to say "I trust you, but I want to hear from you that this trust is valid. If I find out otherwise, there will be repercussions." Whether talking about the privilege of owning devices capable of sharing information or other privileges granted to young people, it is the responsibility of adults to see that those tools are used wisely. Sharing with children the knowledge that they are each perfect and deserving of love, and the need to honor that perfection in those around them is also our responsibility.

Painful experiences can draw people together or tear them apart. Pain can be molded into a rich and positive experience when properly addressed. The opportunity for growth is here, for our young people, and for all adults who have the power to influence those lives. Be direct. Be connected. Set boundaries. Pay attention to your children and all children.

We would hope that there are at least 23 young people in Newtown who have new restrictions to tools that allow the sharing of information on social media, and who are engaged in conversations about why these restrictions are for their benefit. If parents are not taking this opportunity for heart-to-heart conversations about actions, consequences, and privileges, it is a failure that plays into a future that is quite unlike that envisioned when each perfect being came into this world.