The holidays often bring about a mixture of emotions — joy, nostalgia, and sometimes, deep grief. As someone who has endured the tragic loss of my six-year-old son, Jesse, at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I understand all too well the dance between love and loss, especially at this time of year.

Jesse left a message “Nurturing, Healing, Love” on our kitchen chalkboard which inspired me to create the Choose Love Movement to teach others to thoughtfully respond with love and find growth from pain. The Choose Love Formula — courage + gratitude + forgiveness + compassion-in-action = Choosing Love — has profound power, particularly during the holidays when grief can be overwhelming.

Using each component of the formula can help ease the pain, and offer relief from your grief.

Courage: Acknowledge your grief and embrace the bravery it takes to face the holidays without your loved one. Courage lies in allowing yourself to feel the laughter with joyful memories, and the tears of longing.

Gratitude: Cherish the moments you shared with your loved one, and all they brought into your life. Although grief can feel engulfing, gratitude helps illuminate the light they left behind, allowing it to warm your heart.

Forgiveness: Free yourself from the weight of what could have been. Release the hold that anger and regret might have over you. Forgiveness is a gift you grant yourself, creating space for healing.

Compassion-in-Action: Extend kindness to yourself and others. Honor your loved one’s memory by embodying compassion, enhancing the lives of those around you while nurturing your own heart.

During the holidays, my family and I continue to honor Jesse’s memory by decorating the Christmas tree with his handmade ornaments, and placing them lovingly upon the branches. We share stories of his laughter and light, allowing his presence to permeate our gatherings.

Each year, I attend a church service dedicated to parents who have lost children, lighting a candle in Jesse’s honor. In those moments, surrounded by others who share my grief, I find community and solace.

I have found power in the present moment, and the ability to enjoy the here and now. The more time I spend here, the less time spent navigating the choppy waters of where my mind wanders. Acceptance, hope, and faith gives me strength to face the day with purpose.

If you are navigating the loss of a loved one, you are not alone. We are here, holding space in a shared understanding. It’s important to feel the depth of your sorrow, but also to rise by Choosing Love.

Though my joy has been redefined, love endures, especially when grief threatens to overwhelm me. The holidays become a canvas where love continues painting in beautiful colors, even amidst pain.

Let us remember — with tenderness and togetherness — those who we have lost. Talk to them, laugh with them in memory, cry for the moments missed, but most importantly, be present.

Nurture yourself, for you too deserve love and healing.

Choose love with me, this holiday season, and always.

Scarlett Lewis is the Chief Movement Officer for The Choose Love Movement.