Giving Thanks Is Never Outdated

By Nancy K. Crevier

In an age where every memo is sent and every moment is preserved electronically, it might seem that the handwritten thank you note has gone the way of the dinosaurs. But Dawn Handwerker Leonardi, owner of Truly Yours, a gift and stationery boutique on Stony Hill Road in Bethel, does not see that trend in her store.

 Truly Yours sells “lots and lots” of thank you notes, Ms Leonardi said, for all ages and all tastes. Fun, colorful cards fill the rack alongside simple and elegant note cards, and even fashionable styles, such as the card designs from Vera Wang. While gifts given from the heart expect nothing in return, a thank you note has the ability to put a smile on the face of the receiver.

She has been very encouraged, said Ms Leonardi, in the seven years that Truly Yours has been in business, as to how many people still buy and write thank you notes.

 “People don’t realize the impact getting a handwritten thank you note has on the gift giver,” said. “E-mail is so impersonal. [Getting a thank you note in the mail] is a nice surprise for the gift giver,” she said.

Parents who want their children to learn the importance of saying “thank you” love the selection of fill-in-the-blank thank you note cards carried at Truly Yours. “They are cute, easy, and encourage and teach children to be grateful,” said Ms Leonardi of the thank you cards that make it as easy as 1-2-3 to fill out and send.

Truly Yours also does a lot of business with personalized stationery that people, especially newlyweds, use for thank you notes.

“Personalized stationery is a great gift, because it is something people don’t think to buy for themselves,” said Ms Leonardi.

Enough people are still purchasing thank you cards that Barry’s Hallmark, at Sand Hill Plaza, fills a 36-square-foot section with boxed thank you notes, plus another three-foot section of individual thank you cards.

“Before the holiday season is over, we’ll have another four-foot area filled with just holiday-themed thank you cards,” said store manager Desiree Paiva. “We definitely see packages of thank you notes go out the door, but maybe fewer of the individual cards,” she said.

The Hallmark corporation has noted an upswing in the sales of thank you cards right after the holiday season, said Ms Paiva, and also following Valentine’s Day.

The newest things, she said, are the webcam greeting cards.

“The front turns into a 3D interactive animation,” Ms Paiva said. The recipient downloads a small program onto their computer, puts the card in front of the webcam, and sees the greeting in 3D. “We have them now for all of the major holidays and big, celebratory events, so I expect to see them soon for thank you cards,” said Ms Paiva.

The boxed cards are most popular, and are organized into three categories at Barry’s Hallmark: elegant and feminine, upbeat and fun, or classic and refined.

“I often ask people who they are thanking when they are looking for a card of gratitude,” Ms Paiva said. “If it’s for a response to a sympathy card or similar event, then they will probably want a more individualized greeting,” she said.

What can be confusing is when to write a note, when it is acceptable to thank in person or by e-mail, and what to say.

Emily Post’s The Gift of Good Manners gives advice to raising considerate children, but the rules she pens apply to children of all ages. Thank you notes for gifts should be sent “when the gift is opened outside the giver’s presence… A gift sent by mail or delivery service requires an immediate acknowledgement,” writes author Peggy Post, the third generation of Posts to provide the last word on etiquette. When gifts are opened after an event, a thank you note is required, even if the gift giver was at the party.

Play dates, overnights and inexpensive notes warrant a verbal thank you, but a thank you note is proper when an extended visit takes place, or for an act of special attention, notes The Gift of Good Manners.

Crane & Co., The Blue Book of Stationery suggests that “a gift or act of kindness should be acknowledged as soon as possible.” Keeping a variety of note card choices in the “stationery wardrobe” will make responding promptly easy to do. Older relatives might appreciate the traditional style of thank you note, while closer friends can be thanked with note cards that reflect some aspect of the sender’s personality — those “upbeat and fun” cards.

Just A Note To Say… by Florence Isaacs serves as a template for any written response, including the dilemma posed by today’s technology. Phone calls, especially by cellphone, can be easily disrupted, writes Ms Isaacs, and e-mails and text messages can be sent so quickly that little deliberation is given to the response.

“When you write,” says Ms Isaacs, “there is no response to distract you from reaching within and exploring exactly what you feel and want to say. There is no gadget or other equipment to act as a barrier. What there is, is an enormous sense of satisfaction.”

Because e-mail is immediate, it can also make the sender appear insincere, suggests Ms Isaacs. If an e-mail must be sent as a thank you, she suggests warming up the note by using the traditional salutation, “Dear…”, proofreading carefully, avoiding emoticons, and rereading before selecting “send.”

There is an art to writing thank you notes, for those who love penning words they have painstakingly selected as the perfect pen scrolls over the perfect stationery, but the simplest expression is not any less appreciated, Ms Leonardi said.

“People are afraid they’ll say something wrong, but it is better to say anything, than nothing at all,” she said.

The Gift of Good Manners suggests that a brief thank you note include an expression of gratitude for the specific gift or a referral to what the intended use will be if the gift is cash; a personal reference to the gift giver; and a little information about the writer, in order to be complete. Only a first grader should expect to get away with a one-line thank you note.

The Blue Book of Stationery also provides an outline for writing a thank you note. A warm greeting should be followed by an appreciation of the gift, naming it; followed by a mention of how it will be used, an invitation for a follow up get-together, and a warm closing (“Love, Dad”).

It is not necessary to “dazzle with witty words,” cautions Ms Isaacs. “It’s to be authentic and say something meaningful…” The goal, she says, is to let the giver know “I remember your present.”

Sending a thank you note via e-mail or texting is probably better than nothing. But it remains the note, written in ink on paper, tucked into an envelope, and delivered by “snail mail,” say etiquette experts, that continues to convey the most heart-felt sentiment.

Late 19th and early 20th Century theologian and philosopher Albert Schweitzer said, “Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.” It remains, in the 21st Century, a bit of excellent advice.