Peer Group Counseling Offers Strength To Siblings

By Nancy K. Crevier

Sue Belanger, a Newtown Parent Connection volunteer and licensed psychologist with Community Health Center, Inc, is pleased that Newtown Parent Connection, a local advocacy group dedicated to public education about substance abuse, has selected her to facilitate a new group for siblings of substance abusers.

The Sibling Healing Support Group met for the first time, Saturday, December 5, said Ms Belanger, in what she said was a very cathartic hour of sharing.

The group was formed at the request of parents who had heard Ms Belanger and her husband, Chris, speak at Parent University last year, a workshop forum for strengthening families, said Dorrie Carolan, executive director and co-president of Newtown Parent Connection.

“Parents were looking for an alternative to groups like Al-anon or Alateen, something with a larger counseling component,” she said. “We know that when a child is in the throes of addiction that all attention is on that child, and the others can get pushed to the side. I’ve known Sue Belanger over the years and she had offered her services in the past. It took us nearly a year to get this program together, but I kept her in mind, knowing she could do the job,” Ms Carolan said.

“There is definitely a need for this type of support group,” agreed Ms Belanger. “Substance abuse is a family issue. Siblings can get lost in all of the drama during a crisis, and many siblings will struggle quietly,” she said, not knowing where to turn for help, and feeling very alone. “They are dealing with a lot of social issues regarding their family life, and that can be hard,” Ms Belanger added.

Without support of some kind, she said, children can take on maladaptive methods of coping with the family situation, such as truancy, aggressiveness, stealing, cutting (self-mutilation), or depression.

Along with talking, the Sibling Healing Support Group will offer a variety of tools to encourage young people to express themselves. “We will probably include art and art projects, as the group that met the beginning of the month seemed very interested in that, exercises, and games. We will try different things to see what works,” she said.

Peer support can be extremely beneficial in a situation where a sibling is using or in recovery, said Ms Belanger.

“They meet other kids struggling with similar issues. Kids often feel no one else is going through what they are going through, but here, they meet kids who they can relate to,” she said.

The December group was made up primarily of teenagers from the area, most of whom arrived at the urging of their parents or caregivers, but the Sibling Healing Support Group is open to all ages. If a large enough number of younger children take part, Ms Belanger said, she will probably set up a second group.

“This group hopefully will help kids get more in touch with their feelings and learn coping skills that can be generalized to other areas of their lives. What’s nice about this group is that the kids can learn skills in real time,” said Ms Belanger. Once young people learn to identify feelings, they can learn techniques to respond appropriately, she said.

Members of the group do not need to fear that their personal information will spread beyond the walls of the meeting room. By establishing group rules, said Ms Belanger, what is talked about in the group, stays within the group.

“They know that they are not to share others’ issues,” she said. “They should know, too, that I will keep their confidences, unless a child is hurting him or herself, hurting someone else, or I know that someone else is hurting them.”

Even though it is hard for parents and caregivers to see beyond the immediate emergency, it is crucial that they communicate with siblings who are not in crisis, said Ms Belanger.

“Be open with kids,” she urged. “Be direct, whether it is drug abuse or depression.” She does not encourage ransacking of rooms and private spaces, or reading of diaries, however, as that can be seen as a violation of trust. “If you think your child is struggling with something, ask them. Secrecy is such a factor in keeping the family unit sick,” she said.

As the group settles into a routine and members become more comfortable with each other, Ms Belanger believes that positive outcomes will be achieved.

“I would like to see these kids have an additional network of support and know that they are not alone,” she said. “I would like them to be able to ask for what they need.”

The Sibling Healing Support Group meets the first Saturday of each month, from 9 to 10 am, at the Newtown Parent Connection offices, 115 Mt Pleasant Road, Newtown. Preregistration is not required. Attendance is on a drop-in basis. For more information, call 270-1600.