We had our first measurable snow last week. It was the third time within a few days that snow fell on the earth in Newtown, yet the snow that fell Wednesday blanketed us more than the flurries of the previous night and weekend had. It slowed things for a few hours, created school delays Thursday morning, and reminded us that winter is just around the corner. The return of the wintry precipitation, along with the changing of the calendar, also means we have made another trip around the sun without 26 women and children who should be walking among us.

Newtown loves its holiday season, yet there is an undercurrent, still, of hesitation. How early do we hang our lights? When do we put up the tree? Do we sing along to the songs on the radio, and plan for Hanukkah, or do we allow the darkness in our hearts to remind us that it’s not fair to be happy when others are still so sad? We have our own losses to wrestle with, but there is something about these 26 sudden deaths that shook everyone in Newtown into a communal stupor.

Charlotte, Daniel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Madeleine, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, and Allison should have all graduated from high school this year. Maybe Newtown High School, maybe one of our regional parochial or technical schools, or maybe a school in a completely different state. Instead, former classmates visited the Sandy Hook Permanent Memorial on June 12 after they took their walk across the temporary stage at Blue & Gold Stadium.

We like to imagine Mary Sherlach would be enjoying retirement now. Anne Marie Murphy would have reached retirement age this year, but maybe she was one of those people who decided to continue working not because she needed to but because she wanted to. Dawn Hochsprung could begin thinking about early retirement. We wonder about Rachel Davino, Lauren Rousseau and Victoria Soto, who would now be in their early 40s and late 30s. Would they still be teaching? Would they still be at Sandy Hook School? When a loved one dies, it’s always a game of “how old would they be now?” and “What would they be doing now?” We can imagine and hope all we want, but dreams are not memories. The women and children who died on 12/14 will remain young, vibrant and beautiful in our mind’s eyes forever. They remain unchanged, while we continue to live without them, through holidays and milestones that continue to occur. Therein lies one of the most difficult challenges of mourning: the approach of anniversaries.

We haven’t forgotten those 20 children, those six women, nor that Friday morning that was sunny, chilly and beautiful when it started. We do know this town’s faith leaders will again offer an opportunity to gather as a community on Saturday, as they have done every year since 12/14. This year they will again gather inside Trinity Episcopal Church where, for an hour, music and simple readings will stir the souls of those inside the Main Street sanctuary as well as those watching from their place of choice.

The Interfaith Council has long been aware that not everyone wants to attend these annual gatherings. They do not expect large crowds. Some find strength in just knowing that the gathering is there. Others want to be there, to hear the 26 names read and find solace in what our leaders offer. The timing of this year’s gathering — beginning at 9 am rather than during the evening as has been done in recent years — means those who are at Trinity or watching from afar will be of one mind when bells in town ring out to commemorate the time our 26 women and children left us.

Concurrently, smaller handbells will also be ringing, signaling the longstanding tradition of the local Salvation Army unit’s Red Kettle Campaign. Saturday afternoon, a group of Tolland firefighters will again be in Sandy Hook — the epicenter of 12/14’s pain — offering rides on an antique sleigh with lettering reflecting the name of each first grade student and educator slain 12 years earlier. Riders of all ages will smile and laugh, and that will be OK. A few hours later, St Rose Church will host its annual Live Nativity, recalling the very reason for this season of light and hope. It is these overlapping of traditions and new offerings that help some of us breathe before, during and after each anniversary. We know what’s coming, we cannot stop the memories, we will never forget what happened, and once those bells chime we know we can exhale. Just a little. We’ve made another trip around the sun.