Families Take On An Ever-Evolving List Of Thanksgiving Customs

By Nancy K. Crevier

How does a holiday custom come to be? When is a tradition born and how do families keep it spinning until it is woven into the fabric of their lives?

Some customs creep in, embedding themselves in lives so quietly that no one is really aware of them; but try to shake them loose, and pandemonium prevails. Other customs come about through necessity, while others are predetermined and diligently adhered to every year. They are handed down through generations virtually unchanged, or are part of an evolutionary process tailored to contemporaries. Some are humorous and some are solemn, some are beloved and some are burdensome.

Traditions revolve around music, food, travel, gifts, friends, family, and just about every other piece of the whole holiday scene. From who does what when, to where and why, customs are what bind a holiday together into each family’s individual theme.

“I really don’t know how it happened; it just did,” says Kate Mayer of the Thanksgiving Day “Capture The Flag” game that kicks off their day. It began with just Kate, her husband, Brad Eggleston, and their children, Brady, Zoe, Eliza, and Evan gathering at Ram Pasture early one Thanksgiving morning to blow off steam while the turkey cooked. It has ballooned to include extended family and lots of friends, as well as people from the Ram Pasture neighborhood. “We have everyone from teens to tiny kids now,” says Kate. “Parents show up just to ‘watch’ their kids and say, ‘No, no, no,’ they won’t be playing. That lasts about five minutes. Before you know it, children and grandparents are out there running around. It has turned into this huge thing.”

The game is brief, starting at 9 am with everyone facing the direction of the flagpole to sing the national anthem, led last year by Brad, she says, and ends by 10:30 am, but the good feeling lasts for hours. “Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday,” says Kate.

The Mayer-Eggleston family has other Thanksgiving traditions to carry on once they shake off the mud and snow of Ram Pasture and return home. “My dad buys a collectible Hess toy truck for each of the kids and brings them on Thanksgiving Day. And we try to invite someone extra for Thanksgiving dinner. One year we had a German family who were here with an international group and had nowhere to go. Another year, we didn’t have anyone over, but we just called all those people you haven’t talked to in years. It was fun.”

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, whether viewed live and in person or followed from the comfort of the living room couch, is a tradition for thousands of people. Joanne and Phil Keane and their children, Haley, Maddie, and Tiernan, have seen the many ups and downs of the parade from a different vantage point. “Sometimes we go into Manhattan the night before the parade to watch the balloons being blown up,” says Joanne. “I used to go with my sister before I was married. The balloons are all laid out up past Columbus Circle and that part of the park. Now, it is all roped off up by the Museum of Natural History and it has become a sort of event, but it is very cool to see, anyway.”

Customs do have to begin somewhere, and sometimes it means setting aside old ones to make room for the new. But Joanne is a little uncertain about what looks to be another Keane Thanksgiving Day tradition in the making. “Last year, we went to visit my aunt and uncle way out in western Pennsylvania and they took us to Fat Man’s Pizza for Thanksgiving… It turned out to be a whole Thanksgiving buffet, thank goodness, and we are going back to see them this year again, but….”

Laura and Tim Helmig, too, are making way for a new tradition. The Helmigs and their children, Elizabeth and Quinn, have gone to Laura’s aunt’s home in New Hampshire for years to celebrate Thanksgiving. “It’s an old home built sometime in the 1700s,” says Laura, “and is called Bittersweet Farms. It feels very New Englandy, and we have loved going there.” But as the children get older and the clan expands, Laura and Tim have decided to start a new tradition in their new home in Newtown of hosting the family get-together. “It’s my first Thanksgiving ever, and I’ll be hosting about 28 people,” says Laura. “I’m really excited about it.”

For Liz and Paul Arneth, it is the ceremonial handing over of the apron from Liz to Paul that marks their Thanksgiving Day custom. Since the early days of their marriage, when it was just the two of them, Paul has taken on the responsibility of cooking the turkey, says Liz. “He has done it ever since,” she says, even painstakingly dicing all of the fresh ingredients for his special stuffing. “It’s like a dead sea scroll, this old recipe that he unrolls every year,” she laughs. “But we all love it.” Whether there are two or 25 for Thanksgiving dinner, Paul is the head chef du jour, she says, a tradition she is more than willing to support.

Mardi Gras in November has become the Thanksgiving Day theme in the household of Michele and Michael Grillo, and it is a day of fun and food with friends, as well as family. “I do a southern Thanksgiving and our friends provide the necklaces and stuff,” says Michele, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America.

“My love in cooking is Cajun Creole,” she says. “It is the most traditional French-style of cooking, really. I’ve spent time down in New Orleans and I love how they layer flavor on flavor.”

The Grillos provide fixin’s like turducken (boneless turkey layered with duck and chicken meat), andouille sausage stuffing, crawfish and shrimp stuffing, crab cakes, sweet potato soufflé, string bean casserole with deep-fried shallots, an updated Waldorf salad with candied pecans, bourbon pecan pie, and a laundry list of other delectables.

“One family that comes jokes that they don’t cook, so they bring the party goods. Another couple collects Bordeaux wines, so they bring some fantastic wines. We have a real eclectic group of friends. It’s all about eating and having fun. It’s a real fun day,” Michele says.

Whether a custom is old or new, traditional or morphing, it is familiarity and family that are the ties that bind. For many years, Thanksgiving for Ray and Mary Maki meant pulling off a dinner for 30-some people of all ages and ideals, often including individuals who otherwise would have had nowhere to go. “I was exhausted by the end of the day,” said Mary, “but I knew that this is what Thanksgiving was all about.”

The Makis no longer host huge get-togethers for Thanksgiving, but they continue to share the sentiment that brings families all over the country together on this day: “We shared food, while sharing our lives. The most important point I always kept in mind was that the family was together.” That is, after all, the custom.