‘Family Table Time’ –

Bringing The Family Back To The Dinner Table

By Kaaren Valenta

When Neal Kimball accepted a job that meant extensive overseas travel, he recognized the impact his absence would have on his family.

“We called it our burning platform – we had to find a safe way off,” he said.

With all four Kimball children involved in many after-school and weekend activities, time together as a family already was precious.

“Jill and I decided that we had to have communication, conversation, and connectedness within our family,” Mr Kimball said. “We decided to take our dinner together and make it a longer, richer experience.”

Last August, on a car trip back to visit friends in their former neighborhood in suburban Chicago, Neal and Jill Kimball brainstormed with Caitlin, 11, Maggie, 10, Kyle, 7, and Jimmy, 6, and came up with the idea of Family Table Time, a kit that includes a vinyl tablecloth on which members of the family use colored markers to document weekly events and special occasions, and reflect on their progress on family goals.

  The day they arrived in Western Springs, Ill., they met with their former pastor, who was enthusiastic about the idea and encouraged them to have other families in the parish test it.

“With a two-day notice we were able to get 19 families together,” Jill Kimball said. “We asked them to eat at least one meal a week as a family and to try Family Table Time for three months. They were our focus group.”

The Kimballs knew the importance of eating together as a family. Agencies like the Family Counseling Center of Newtown and Newtown Youth Services were promoting the concept this year; national surveys showed that each year families spend a decreasing amount of time sitting at the table together.

“Even when families do eat together, they don’t always communicate well,” Jill Kimball said. “Many are looking for a vehicle, a mechanism, to use as a tool.”

Three months after introducing their Family Table Time prototype to the families in Illinois, the Kimballs returned to find out their reactions.

“They thought it was great,” Mrs Kimball said. “We were blown away with their responses. We have pages of testimonials. One family that was reluctant to participate because they thought their children were too young wound up saying it was the best thing they ever did. They said it gave the family a whole different dynamics and the children were thriving on giving each other compliments. Another parent said ‘I’m a much better listener now and that the dinner table has become a safe place to discuss issues and listen to others.’”

“We videotaped 15 hours of testimonials,” Mrs Kimball said.

The families also had their own ideas about what should be included on the tablecloth and in the accompanying kit of supplies and instructions that the Kimballs envisioned creating.

“Our final version incorporates their best ideas,” Neal Kimball said.

The Family Table Time kit contains a rectangular or round tablecloth that serves as a canvas for recording family memories and building relationships. Each kit also contains colored markers so that each member of the family can choose a color to use for the entire year.  There are 52 agendas, forms that help the family conduct weekly family meetings, and an “I’m In” form for each family member to sign.  The kit also includes a resource guide and 52 calendar stickers that serve as a reminder of when family meetings are to take place.

“We want to bring families back to the dinner table,” Mrs Kimball said. “The interactive table cloth is part of the fun. Family Table Time gives them the tools to talk, think, and share together.”

The center of the tablecloth has a pre-printed shield where families can record their “mission statement,” a statement of their purpose and direction. There is a section to record family values, the core values that are important to the family, and a Dine-O-Meter that records the number of days the family eats a meal together. Around the border of the tablecloth are places to draw and color pictures of family activities, and a guest gallery where friends who dine at the table can leave their own personal messages. The blank sections of the tablecloth are spaces for family members to draw and write their own weekly memories. Each family selects any object to serve as a “talking stick,” giving the holder the power to speak uninterrupted during the family mealtime meeting. At each meeting, a different member of the family gets to be the leader, choosing the dessert and game for that night.

According to the Kimballs, the goal of Family Table Time is to build core values, improve communication, create family unity, plan family activities, foster self esteem, recall family memories, and share stories.

“I’m so excited about this – we want it to be a family ministry,” Mrs Kimball said.

With the encouragement of the Rev Peter Towsley of St Rose of Lima Church, the Kimballs presented Family Table Time to the several hundred families that attended a weekend Catholic conference in Stamford last week. But they emphasized that their idea is not limited to Catholics.

“Family Table Time is non-denominational,” Mr Kimball said. “It will work for all denominations. We have formed a not-for-profit corporation and also have applied for a patent because we don’t want someone to take this idea and commercialize it. We also are launching our own Web page this week.”

The kits will sell for $39.95.  “To make it affordable, we have to make 2,000 kits,” Jill Kimball said. “Our goal is 2,000 orders by the year 2000.” Any profits will be used to offset the price of the kits so that they can be made available free or at reduced cost to disadvantaged families, Neal Kimball said.

Kits can be ordered through the Web site (www.familytabletime.com), by calling 364-1911, by faxing 364-1899, or by writing to Family Table Time, PO Box 28, Newtown 06470-0028. Shipping/handling is an additional $7 per kit and 6 percent sales tax also must be added.

The Kimballs have lived in Newtown for a year and a half, moving here about six months after Neal Kimball joined the Pepsi-Cola Company as an international accounts sales manager. In Chicago, Neal Kimball had formed a group that sponsored refugee families that came to the United States to live.  In Connecticut, however, the Kimballs wanted something they could do as a family.  They envision developing Family Table Talk into a national phenomenon, and are working to get a nationally known talk show host like Oprah Winfrey to start a national family dinner night.

“I look at it as national grassroots support for the family,” Mr Kimball said. “We plan to take it worldwide. We want to produce it in multiple languages, and expand it and make it available internationally. We want everyone to sit down to dinner together.”