Parent Connection Forum—

Three Young Newtowners Tell Their Stories Of Addiction

Despite the historic baseball game played last Wednesday evening, about 150 people came to hear three brave young Newtown men speak of their hopeful stories of addiction and recovery at the Newtown Parent Connection’s “Dare to Discuss Drugs — Part II.” Parents were encouraged to bring children from intermediate grades on up and so they did.

John Hamilton, who once again facilitated the forum, opened with a sobering statistic. Bridgeport has the distinction of having the highest purity of heroin of all US cities — 91 percent pure. “In Boston,” according to Mr Hamilton, “a bag of heroin can be purchased for less than a pack of cigarettes.” With heroin being one of the drugs of choice for at least one of the speakers, this information seemed especially appropriate.

Each young man told his own story. Throughout the evening there seemed to be the common thread of low self-esteem, ADD, difficulty in school, self-medication, major manipulation, and questionable friends.

The panelists are identified only by their first initial.

C, age 19 and a Newtown native, spoke of his extensive involvement with sports, scouts, family, and church. Yet something was missing. He always felt different from others and had a difficult time expressing his feelings. He began to drink and smoke pot in elementary school. Use leveled off until high school when the drinking picked up because then “I didn’t have to worry about expressing myself.” C got in with a “bad group” the summer before his freshman year and experienced his first run-in with the police. The incident resulted in him beginning a long road of therapy and admission to various residential treatment facilities.

In between stays C would party. “I didn’t change until I was ready to change.”

Downward spirals continued, leading to blackouts, trouble at school, leaving home, and disappearing for days. C declared, “I am an alcoholic.” His last rehab facility taught him a lot. He learned who God was. “God is anything I want He, She, It to be for help.”

Now back at home, C is going to AA, growing as a person, and is respectful of others. Recent knee surgery tested his resolve. He made the decision to go without pain medication for fear of beginning the cycle again. Today, he has a full-time job, attends school two days a week, feels better about himself, and has a wonderful relationship with his family. “My father is my best friend!”

J opened with “my life was a mess from a young age.” He experienced multiple family issues. He saw his first therapist at 10 and did poorly in school. “I never did more than I had to.” He used his parents’ estrangement to avoid accountability as he bounced from one parent to the other. He attempted suicide twice — the first time at age 13. This is when he felt his addictive characteristics began. While in therapy he “told people what they wanted to hear.” He was a great manipulator. He described his life “as not a good picture.”

J admitted to using drugs to feel better when he felt badly and even better when feeling good. His drug use led to an arrest and time at the Bridgeport Correctional Facility. He spent the better part of a year in rehab outside the country and is now learning to assimilate back into the community. He is better able to think through situations and consequences. He hopes to go back to school. Right now he is working and going to meetings.

“I’m sober and I feel good. That’s all that really matters.”

A, who was the initial panel member for this forum, was very blunt. “I am a professional drug addict. I am 22 years old, a native Newtowner, addicted to heroin, used coke, manipulator, sneaky, no self-esteem — generally a toxic person.” He said he was a late user and professional liar. His introduction to the drug world began with Ritalin, Zoloft, and Wellbutrin.

“Pills were an answer for help.” He snorted Ritalin, sold Ritalin, smoked pot, got arrested, and has been in mental hospitals. He described himself as a “medicine cabinet bandit.”

His drug use became so bad he experienced blackouts and overdosed. “I knew I had to get out of here to get better.”

A recently celebrated one year of sobriety. “I have grown up a lot in this last year!” But A had a lot to say and was anxious to answer audience questions rather than speak about himself. He had a message that he wanted to share, stressing “we are all good kids.”

Following the three presentations, Mr Hamilton opened the evening to questions, which were submitted on index cards.

All three men fielded the following questions:

“What advice would you give teenagers today?”

“Take my word — heroin, coke, partying, getting high, you will be scared and all alone.”

“What would you tell parents that would be helpful?”

“Addiction is a disease. You can try to change schools, friends, but threats are within.”

“Go with your gut instinct. Know who your kids hang out with and their families.”

“Try your hardest to help but it’s not your fault if kids fail. Change comes when ready.”

“How easy /hard was it to get drugs?”

All three felt the majority drank and used pot.

“There are medicine cabinets everywhere.”

“What could the schools do not to enable?”

“Not the school’s fault. If I wanted to do it, I did it.”

“It helped after I got clean to speak with the substance abuse counselor.”

“If you have 30 kids snorting Ritalin in the bathroom what can schools do? Be aware.”

“What advice do you have for parents about expressing their feelings?”

“Lead by example. Show affection and emotion.”

“What about parents in denial?”

“Pray that the kids don’t die. Physical addiction is very strong.”

“Take charge and do what is in your heart. Kids will thank you.”

“It may be risky but do what’s necessary to save your kid’s life.”

J ended with a plea to the students in the audience: “For kids who aren’t using don’t start – simple as that.”

Mr. Hamilton read a comment from one of the cards to close the evening, “You are remarkable young men and if you have helped one person tonight you should be very proud.”