Newtown Mother Reaffirms ‘Stranger Danger’ Warning Works

By John Voket

A Newtown mother is hoping that all parents will consider revisiting the age-old discussion about not talking to, taking rides or other offerings from strangers after an incident with her own daughter. At the same time, she strongly cautions well-meaning individuals, even neighbors, about approaching children on the street due to heightened concerns for their safety.

What could have been another incident “ripped from today’s headlines” fortunately turned out to be a case of mistaken identity, combined with one neighbor’s genuine concern for what she thought was another neighbor’s child.

According to Sandy Hook resident Joanne Amante, the incident occurred one recent day, after her school-age child got off the school bus and was walking a short distance to the family’s home. She said a female resident of her neighborhood, who was wearing dark glasses and driving a rental car with New York license plates, pulled up alongside her child, motioned to her to get into the vehicle and mouthed the words “Do you want a ride?” through a closed passenger side window.

“My daughter shook her head No, and the car sped off,” Ms Amante told The Newtown Bee this week. “After that she ran the few hundred feet to our driveway and came into the house.”

Upon hearing about the incident, Ms Amante made reports to the school district and the Newtown Police Department. After some investigating Ms Amante learned the person in the car was a neighbor who was unknown to her child, and that the person mistook Ms Amate’s child for another youth who that neighbor knew very well.

Although Ms Amante was relieved that a predator was not cruising her neighborhood, she was told that calls of concern related to that incident continued to come to the school district and local police department.

“My daughter was approached off the bus by a stranger who turned out to be a neighbor in a rental car with New York plates,” she said in an email correspondence. “I have been told the school system and the police department continue to get calls of concern, and I want to end the worry.

“On the other hand, I believe its a great opportunity for The Bee to address such an issue,” she added.

As a result, she wanted to turn that “stranger danger” talk around to address adults in the community.

 “I think from the response we’ve had to the incident, parents are concerned and do worry about their children, especially those that get off the bus alone,” Ms Amante said. “Adults especially need to be reminded that in this day and age, you never ask a child that you do not have a strong relationship with to get in your car, under any circumstances.”

Ms Amante said she knows many adults have had the “talk” with their children to remind them of how to handle such a situation. “But I think the adults themselves need to know what is appropriate and what is not,” she added.

Newtown Police Chief Michael Kehoe agrees.

“The parent is right on the money,” Chief Kehoe said. “I would reiterate that adults should understand the sensitivity of approaching any child unknown to them, because of the fears that can be generated from such an encounter.”

In this case, the “stranger” in the car thought Ms Amante’s daughter was another neighbor’s child who knew the driver, so the situation was somewhat different.

“But when you roll up on a small child walking home from the bus alone, and you are wearing dark glasses, and you don’t even identify yourself except to motion the child to get in the car, and then speed off when she refuses, you’re asking for trouble,” Ms Amante said.

When it comes to discussing stranger danger, Nancy McBride, National Safety Director for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) takes issue with the term, literally.

“Stranger danger — the phrase is so pervasive in our culture that it has become part of the lexicon. Well-intentioned adults perpetuate this misguided message, and the media often uses it as a slogan,” she said in a release from the organization. “The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children has never supported the ‘stranger-danger’ message, especially because experience has shown us that most children are actually taken by someone they know or are familiar with.”

Today, she said, kids need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will build their self-esteem and self-confidence while helping to keep them safer. Kids don’t need to be told the world is a scary place; they watch the news, hear adults talking, and may even experience violence firsthand, she said.

Rather, they need to know their parent, guardian, or another trusted adult is there for them if they are in trouble; and most adults they encounter in their lives are basically good people, Ms McBride said.

“When we tell children to ‘never talk to strangers,’ we have effectively eliminated a key source of help for them if they are in trouble,” Ms McBride continued. “If they’re lost they may be surrounded by many ‘strangers’ who could conceivably help them if they would only ask for it.”

She said since parents and guardians cannot be with their children every second of the day, they need to give children “safety nets” of people they can go to if they need help.

“Those individuals may include uniformed law-enforcement or security officers; a store salesperson with a nametag; the person in an information booth at a mall or other public venue; or a mother with children,” she added.

Parents and guardians can make child safety part of a child’s everyday life in a nonthreatening way by practicing some of these skills, Ms McBride said.

“Whether it’s checking first with a trusted adult, taking a friend, or avoiding and getting out of dangerous situations, there are easy ‘what if’ scenarios to practice with your children to make sure they get it,” she said.

Ms Amante is clearly relieved the situation with her child turned out the way it did, and that based on the child’s refusal to accept the ride, she clearly gets the message about handling strangers.

“It’s a lesson for us all,” Ms Amante said. “I am just grateful that Newtown is truly a town that pulls together, and that it is one full of caring friends.”