I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and — this always amazes me — not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a “good hit,” which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player’s body.                                                                       —Dave Barry

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.               —Elbert Hubbard

I do not like football, which I think of as a game in which two tractors approach each other from opposite directions and collide. Besides, I have contempt for a game in which players have to wear so much equipment. Men play basketball in their underwear, which seems just right to me.                                               —Anna Quindlen

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

                                                                                                —Sue Lawley

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?                                                                                                 —Jim Bouton

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.         —Dan Birdwell

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.               —George F. Will

If you’re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It’s about the same.   —Bob Golic

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.         —George Raveling

Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become.

                                                                                           —Mary McGrory

There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team’s goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.                                                               —Alfred Hitchcock