Fathers Find Support At Monthly NYS Discussion

By Tanjua Damon

Fathers’ Night, a Newtown Youth Services monthly support group for dads, offers an opportunity to fathers to be able to come and ask questions they have or learn from the other participants and the facilitator of the group.

Jeffry Steinberg, LMFT, facilitates the all-male group that meets once a month from 7:30 to 9 pm at the NYS office on 41A Main Street. The group began two years ago on a trial basis, but has really taken off with interest from the fathers in the community. There is no cost to attend the monthly workshop. The group’s next meeting is Monday, October 16.

“The basic premise is to give a group of men an opportunity to express themselves in parenting, and their roles clearly have changed over the years,” Mr Steinberg said. “We define our roles first of all – teacher, provider, spiritual advisor, nurturer, lover, communicator. That has changed. In the past men were providers. Now we have stay-at-home dads. Sometimes I think it gets confusing.”

 Each month the group discusses a particular topic that ranges from communication, to their roles as parents, to media.

“We discuss topics each month – communication, effects of media, sex, drugs, and rock and roll,” he said. “The whole nine yards. How to balance time for your children as well as your partner.”

Mr Steinberg said there are usually ten dads who come on a regular basis, but the group has had up to 25 participants.

“The group has been terrific,” Mr Steinberg said. “It’s a great bunch of guys.”

Paul, a father of four children ranging from 21 to 3, finds the group helpful. He comes to find information and to learn what other fathers are dealing with.

“It’s almost like a support group,” Paul said. “As a parent you kind of wonder whether you are doing the right thing. You can learn what to expect from girls and boys because they are different. It becomes like a sounding board.”

One thing that makes the group work, Mr Steinberg said, is that everyone participates. He believes fathers continue to come because it is a place they can find answers and see what they are doing right.

“It’s a validation place,” Mr Steinberg said. “Everyone participates. There are a lot of parents here who don’t know what to expect.”

Another father, Bob, who has three children, finds the group supportive and helpful as a parent.

“I wish I knew about it sooner,” he said. “I’m a little more consistent on how I handle discipline issues with my kids. I’m on track with certain things that Jeff is helping us with. It’s good to know that you are doing a good job and know you can ask questions.”

Bob also comes to the meetings to help him prepare for the future with his young children so he can know at least some things to expect down the line.

“I’m getting a heads up as to what to expect because my kids are young,” Bob said. “Others have already gone through it.”

Information is another key reason why many of the dads keep coming.

“We get a lot of information,” Paul said. “It gets you to start to think about how you’re dealing with parental issues.”

Mr Steinberg points out that Fathers’ Night is not a therapy group, but rather a place for dads to come and share and learn from each other what parenting is like as a father today.

“It’s not a therapy group, but a workshop, support group, or informational group that meets once a month,” Mr Steinberg said. “I learn from the group as well, as a father and therapist.”

Mr Steinberg encourages any father to come to the group and see what it is all about and what they have to offer as a parent to other parents.

“He has nothing to lose. It’s enjoyable, entertaining, informative, and a night out,” he said. “The biggest issue for both fathers and mothers is they are afraid to parent their children.”

Fathers can come to as many meetings as they choose. There is no requirement to attend every meeting. The following is a list of this year’s meeting dates: October 16, November 13, December 4, January 8, 2001, February 12, March 12, April 9, and May 14. There are no summer meetings. For more information about Fathers’ Night, call Newtown Youth Services at 270-4335.