Date: Fri 30-Oct-1998

Publication: Bee

Author: CURT

Quick Words:

history-fiction-Laslo-Briscoe

Full Text:

From the Case Files of Detective Laslo Briscoe: Ninth Installment

By Andrea Zimmermann

The newly hired police officers found it curious that their co- workers in

blue would have such a voracious interest in unremarkable crimes perpetrated

in Newtown while World War I raged overseas. But when they read some of the

1917 case files of detective Laslo Briscoe, they realized a gap in time and an

anchor in place are the two keys to discovering humor in small town struggles.

Case No. 768 --

The Case Of The

Cackling Cache

It is agreeable that John Ray has not solicited advice on his recent hen house

robbery because, were I any less of a man, it would have been I who absconded

with and feasted upon the 50 plump roasters in residence. (And it is certain

the thief prepared the fowl for himself, without any intent of profiting from

his deed.) A wheatless diet has been trial enough; now the collective

conscience at home suggests we preserve the concentrated food for our armies

abroad and prepare meatless meals for our tables. While noble in thought, the

alternate fare pales when compared to even a badly cooked bird or roast --

they are peas, beans, fish, lentils, eggs, cheese, nuts and bananas. Some

meatless dishes take a goodly time to prepare, and a skilled hand at flavoring

is vital so they the meals will be palatable and not wasted. Similar to the

tastes of many solitary men, I am confounded in a meatless kitchen; invading a

roost poses reasonable risk when the only other choice is to endure the

chitter-chatter of a hired woman.

Mrs Ray takes great pains with her poultry, and she has, indeed, suffered a

loss of property. The war is affecting us at home, within our quiet borders of

Newtown. And if a man is hungry, he will find a means of securing a meal even

if the Borough authorities furnish an officer to patrol the streets at night

as some have suggested.

Case No. 771 --

The Case Of The

Disappearing Automobiles

With two months passed since Miss Lillian Troy's automobile was stolen from

the garage opposite her house, rascals have again struck. With a penchant for

Fords, the thieves boldly acted to take Alfred Walker's automobile while the

owner was at church Sunday evening. He had left it in front of the store of

R.H. Beers. Immediately upon leaving Trinity, Mr Walker realized his machine

was gone and notified the authorities. The car was found the next morning on

Sunset Hill where it had been driven and left.

Miss Troy, a sub-freshman teacher at the high school, was not so fortunate in

that her Ford automobile has not been discovered. Her car was taken about 11

one evening in September. It was locked but the lock was broken and the

machine evidently rolled out by hand and down the road before the power was

tuned on. As identification, Miss Troy has reported the car had on three

United States tires and one Revere tire.

Whether these are the acts of the same ruthless party, or if one might be

attributed to the freak of some foolish boy, they cannot be ignored. Crimes as

these are to be noted and restitution pursued, but it is best remembered that

no party has been injured (hens, notwithstanding).

Arthur Nettleton, chairman of the special town meeting for the new lock-up,

requested my presence on the board. Forty voters attended the recent meeting

and all seemed in favor of adequate facilities for those who would abuse our

good townspeople.

But when it was suggested the town form an Anti-Chicken Thief and Burglar

Association, both Nettleton and I hastily removed ourselves from the

discussion at hand.