Date: Fri 18-Dec-1998

Publication: Bee

Author: KAAREN

Quick Words:

health-domestic-violence

Full Text:

Students Make Holidays Brighter For Domestic Violence Victims

(with photos)

BY KAAREN VALENTA

Domestic violence is a fact of life in every community. During the past fiscal

year, 120 women and children from Newtown spent time in shelters operated by

such agencies as the Women's Center of Greater Danbury.

Cheryl Parente and Trish Voner, community educators from the Danbury agency,

recently brought this message about domestic violence to members of Newtown

Youth Services' Youth Advisory Board, eighth grade students from St Rose

School, and a student from the Newtown Progressive School.

In 1996, 13 women were killed in Connecticut as a result of domestic violence.

Last year, 22 were killed. But thousands more women -- and some men -- are the

victims of physical, mental, verbal, or sexual abuse, according to the Women's

Center's community educators.

"Children who are witnesses to domestic violence, learn that problems are

solved through violence, or that they are not important," Ms Parente said.

"They learn that it is okay for men to control women, or vise versa. Children

have anger, fear, or loss of control, they become more aggressive, or more

passive, or develop sleep disorders. They can develop what is called post

traumatic stress disorder."

"Children take the blame on themselves when they witness domestic violence,"

Ms Voner said. "There are psychological complications, stomach aches,

headaches, absences from school, self-injury. They may act out sexually, or

run away from home."

Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol and drug abuse and

juvenile delinquency. Child abuse is eight times more likely in homes in which

a mother is a victim of domestic violence.

According to a Federal Bureau of Investigation report, 3.3 million children

witness domestic violence each year. There were 42,000 calls on the domestic

violence hotlines in Connecticut last year, and 18 women's shelters are in

operation throughout the state.

"Why does she stay with an abuser -- why doesn't she get out?," Ms Parente

asked. "If only it was that simple."

The tactics used by an abuser begin by blaming the victims for everything

until it reaches the point that the victim's self-esteem is destroyed, she

said. The abuser isolates the victim from family and friends, and eventually

uses intimidation and physical harm to control the victim's entire life.

"The most dangerous time is when the victim finally tries to leave. That's

when victims have been killed," she said.

The program presented by the Women's Center educators provided information for

students and their parents on how to identify abuse and the services that are

available to help victims. Help is available from hotline services, shelter

services, non-shelter services (victims who were aided by individual

counseling, support groups, community and/or legal advocacy, information and

referrals, and assistance with developing safety plans), criminal court-based

services, and community education services. Last year 1,132 Newtown residents

participated in programs offered through the Women's Center.

Making Gifts

After the program presented by the Women's Center educators, the students made

reindeer candy canes to be given to Danbury Hospital's wellness van which

services about 120 underprivileged children monthly. They also made a trip to

Danbury Hospital's Pediatric Clinic on Sand Pit Road to decorate the clinic.

The students collected gifts for holiday hope chests that were made for each

of the seven children, ages newborn to teenage, currently in the Danbury

shelter with their mothers.