Date: Fri 10-Jul-1998

Publication: Bee

Author: KAAREN

Quick Words:

suicide-survivors

Full Text:

Suicide Survivors Help Each Other With The Process Of Grieving

(with cuts)

BY KAAREN VALENTA

Kathy Pritchett remembers how shocked she was to learn that there are more

suicides each year in the United States than there are murders.

"No one talks about suicides," she said. "You feel like you are alone. I never

knew there was such excruciating pain. After (my son) Tim died, I needed help.

I thought I was going crazy."

According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the ninth leading

cause of death in the United States. More than 30,000 people commit suicide

each year. An estimated five million people live with the suicide of a loved

one.

Kathy Pritchett, her husband, Wayne, and their daughter, Laura, know the

unimaginable grief that survivors often feel. For the ones who die, suicide

means an end to the pain, whether mental or physical. For those who are left

behind, however, the anguish is just beginning.

"I was three years older than my brother, and I have no memories of a life

that doesn't include him," Laura Pritchett said. "But no one asks how siblings

feel after a suicide. I didn't get a single sympathy card."

The Pritchetts, who live in Newtown, finally found help through the Seymour

chapter of Survivors of Suicide, or SOS. Now they have started a Newtown

chapter of SOS which meets the second Monday of each month from 7 to 9 pm at

St Rose Church.

Vivian Michaels of Southbury started the Seymour chapter after her younger

brother committed suicide in 1987.

"I couldn't stop thinking about his suicide," she said. "I was obsessed. There

was a constant dialogue in my head. It consumed me. It wasn't until I went to

a (SOS) meeting in Hamden that I realized this was normal for the abnormal

thing that had happened."

Kathy Pritchett said that when she walked into her first meeting, months after

her son died on June 11, 1995, she was struck by the fact that the room was

full of what looked like normal people.

"I thought we were horrible -- that we must have been horrible to have had

something like this happen," she explained. "I was amazed to see that we were

just like everyone else."

"I was a mother so I had a lot of guilt -- if only I had seen this, or done

that, I might have prevented Tim's suicide. I come from an Irish family that

had the attitude, `It's done, get on with your life.' But it was two years

before I felt anywhere near normal."

Tim Pritchett was 25 when he stripped his room, leaving only a photo of a

friend who had died three years earlier, and vanished. It was just days after

one of his friends had committed suicide. One week later, Tim's body was found

in New York City. He had injected a lethal dose of heroin.

"The New York police told me over the telephone," Mrs Pritchett said. "To this

day I'm shocked that they didn't call the Newtown police and have someone come

over to the house. Then we had a hard time getting Tim's personal effects

back. It was a mess."

Like the majority of people who commit suicide, Tim had suffered from

depression for years.

"He attempted suicide when he was 13 or 14 but I didn't know it until a year

later. I was naive," Mrs Pritchett said.

According to the American Suicide Foundation, suicide is the second leading

cause of death among college students, ranks third for those aged 15 to 24 and

fourth in the 25-34 age group. The suicide rate for men 15 to 24 has tripled

since 1950, while for women of that age group it has doubled.

After a steady decrease from 1950 to 1980 in the suicide rate for those over

65, suicide in this age group is once again on the increase. The highest

suicide rates are found among white men over 50. Although they represent only

10 percent of the population, they are 33 percent of the total number of known

suicides.

Alcohol and drug abuse are often linked to depression, and to suicide, Laura

Pritchett said. "They are used to self-medicate, to take away the pain. A lot

of deaths that probably are suicides aren't recorded as suicides. A one-car

accident can be a suicide. So can a drug overdose."

"Depresssion is harder to treat than cancer," she said. "Add to that the fact

that medical insurance only covers 50 percent of the cost of treatment for

mental illness. Many people simply can't afford it."

Vivian Michaels, who is a psychiatric nurse, said the suicide survivors group

passed out petitions in Washington, DC, recently to seek equity for mental

illness in funding. Besides providing local support groups, the SOS members

want to help educate the general public about suicide.

"If a teenager is talking about suicide, you have to take it seriously and get

help," Laura Pritchett said. Studies have found that more than 75 percent of

persons who committed suicide said or did things in the weeks or months prior

to their deaths to indicate their intentions.

Suicide tends to run in families, in part because depression tends to run in

families. Laura Pritchett said she learned after her brother's death that

depression had been a medical problem in both sides of her family. She had

thoughts of suicide and has sought treatment.

"The path to our healing is connection with other people," Vivian Michaels

said. "The depressed person doesn't feel that connection."

"My friends were good to me but they just didn't know what I was feeling,"

Kathy Pritchett said. "The (SOS) meeting was the first place I could mention

Tim's name without anyone freezing. The most important thing is that the group

gave me permission to grieve."

"Little things mean so much to a suicide survivor," Laura added. "People

shouldn't be afraid to talk to us. Give us a hug -- you don't have to make

speeches."

The next meeting of the Suicide Survivors group will be on Monday, July 13, at

St Rose parish center on Church Hill Road. For more information, call Kathy

Pritchett at 426-5543.