Census: Thousands Of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

By Diane Scarponi

Associated Press

NEW HAVEN — Lillian Morrison promised her terminally ill daughter on her deathbed that she would take care of the daughter’s three children, no matter what.

For Morrison, that meant she had to give up a well-paying nursing job that she loved, accept state aid, and put off her plans for retirement travel and independence.

“You love them too much to let them go to foster homes or anyplace else,” Morrison, 60, said Monday. “We just have to tough it out together. We don’t have a lot of money or anything else, but we have a lot of love.”

Grandparents in more than 20,000 households in Connecticut are in similar circumstances, the US Census reported this week, based on a survey of 700,000 households nationwide.

More than half of these grandparents are working to help support children at a time when many of them would otherwise be retired.

About 7 percent of the grandparents were living in poverty at some point over the past year, the census estimated.

Nationwide, 2.4 million grandparents were responsible for a grandchild under 18 who lived in their home, the survey found. About 19 percent of the grandparents lived in poverty.

Leaders on children’s issues believe the census numbers tell only part of the story of how grandparents are helping raise the next generation.

“We’ve lacked accurate state numbers of just how many grandparent-headed households we are dealing with. We’re hopeful once the census figures are sliced and diced, people will... recognize this is an ever more common family pattern,” said Margaret Hollidge, director of the Grandparent Information Center for the American Association of Retired Persons.

A combination of troubles for parents, such as drug abuse, crime, AIDS and other illnesses, or death have left grandparents with two choices: take in the children or see them go into state custody.

“You get these grandparents who are on fixed incomes being put in the position of wanting to raise their grandchildren rather than have a stranger doing it,” said state Child Advocate Jeanne Milstein.

Some efforts in the Legislature over the past few years to provide more money and services for these grandparents have stalled.

Opponents of the idea say such a program would be costly, easy to abuse, and would overreach the state’s role in private family matters.

One bill, proposed in 1998, could have cost the state an estimated $84 million to provide subsidies for about 11,700 children, an analysis for the Legislature found.

For grandparents, financial support depends upon whether the state Department of Children and Families gets involved.

DCF steps in when a child has been abused or neglected. In cases where there is no abuse or neglect, DCF would not get involved in the private affairs of a family.

“We should think carefully before asking state government to increasingly involve itself in the roles we have traditionally expected families to fulfill,” DCF Commissioner Kristine Ragaglia said.

Milstein argues that DCF has a role to play.

“This falls really under the purview of prevention – preventing families from breaking up and children from going through the trauma of being broken up,” Milstein said.

If a child is under DCF supervision but being cared for by a grandparent or other relative as a foster parent, the family gets about $8,000 in aid annually, depending upon the age of the child.

The children also get health insurance, and the grandparents can get counseling, educational services, support groups, and other programs to help.

The grandparent must be licensed and trained, the same as any other foster parent who works with DCF.

DCF also has begun a program that is the same as adoption for relatives of abused and neglected children, except that the parental rights of the parents do not have to be terminated.

The program began two years ago to address the needs of grandparents and other relatives who wanted to adopt relatives’ children, but did not want to force relatives to give up their rights.

But for many grandparents these arrangements with DCF are unacceptable because it means DCF has some control over the children’s upbringing, Milstein said.

If DCF is not involved, the grandparents get much less: about $330 a month from the state’s welfare budget and health insurance if the child is poor enough to qualify. Each additional child brings in $110 more.

Pat Lackey, a grandmother from Ashford who is raising three teenage grandchildren, said she avoided DCF and other state aid.

“They have to have control. It’s their money, and they want to control what you do with their money. You can’t blame them for that, but on the other hand, you can’t give them control,” Lackey said.

State Rep Ann Dandrow, a sponsor of bills to aid grandparents, said the state could save money by preventing the children from getting into the foster care system.

“It’s very sad in my book. Here you have family members trying to raise their grandchildren and not getting any help,” said Dandrow, R-Southington.

Many grandparents rely on a network of relatives, churches, and charities to get by. Groups as varied as the Salvation Army and the AARP offer support.

Nationally, the AARP reports that states handle the issue differently, but “there is never enough money,” Hollidge said.

Morrison, who raised eight children of her own, said parenting all over again is difficult.

“I should be somewhere enjoying life myself instead of raising a whole other family,” she said.