Bits & Pieces

By Kim J. Harmon

Is it just me, or has the major league baseball Home Run Derby become so incredibly tedious that it is virtually unwatchable?

And never mind that the Derby keeps fresh the prevalent image of steroidal behemoths swatting home runs, how many times can we hear Chris Berman’s home run call?

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Speaking about a tedious All Star event, can we please put a stop to the Slam Dunk Contest? It has been months, but I am still gnashing my teeth thinking about Nate Robinson getting 14 attempts to complete a dunk. Gahhh!!!

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Picture this –

Two groups of 19th century ballists playing a match on a secluded field while the sounds of cannons echo from over the hill.

The Newtown Sandy Hooks vintage base ball team met the Essex Nine in Belchertown, Massachusetts, on Saturday and during their match the sounds of cannons – all part of the Living History Days Civil War re-enactment weekend – echoed from the Belchertown Common.

And I can picture it in my mind, an actual match being played on some secluded field in 1864 while the sounds of battle echoed from some far off hill ...

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Can someone please explain to me why there is all this emotional hand-wringing over what Zinedine Zidane in the World Cup final against Italy?

In case you haven’t heard about it, one of the greatest soccer players in the world, Zidane, rammed his head into the chest Marco Materazzi of Italy near the end of the second half of the World Cup championship game on Sunday.

Now, it appeared unprovoked, but as any parent or teacher – or contemplative thinker like Sir Isaac Newton – will tell you is that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. No one in their right mind can think Zidane would do something like that for no reason. Even if it was an over-reaction, what did Materazzi do to provoke the head butt? There are some rumors that Materazzi uttered a slur, calling the Algerian-born Zidane “a terrorist.”

Also, how hard is Zidane’s head? It looked like Materazzi was felled by the charge of a bull elephant and not some man’s noggin’.

But then again, international soccer players are accomplished in the art of flopping. If another player so much as taps them on the knee they collapse on the field and writhe around as if they are about to shed their mortal coil. They scream in anguish and cry out for the last rites, only to hop up a few minutes later and run around the field as if nothing had happened.

Do you think this incident is being taken a little too seriously?

Remember, in 1994 Colombian soccer player Andras Escobar was gunned down by a fan outside a restaurant after the Colombians returned home from the World Cup. You see, Colombia was knocked out of the tournament in the first round by the United States when Escobar scored an own goal for the U.S.

Now that is taking things too seriously.

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I was thinking about this the other day –

I have suffered through three of the biggest disasters in professional sports – the New York Yankees (circa 1982 to 1993), the New York Giants (circa 1973 to 1983), and now the New York Knicks (2001-02 to ?)

And when I think about the New York Knicks I realize it’s going to get a heck of a lot worse before it gets better.

I remember what it was like to root for the New York Giants in the mid ‘70s. I was a football fan, but with television broadcasts being what they were, the Giants were really my only option since CBS out of New York carried their games every single week.

I remember a little about 1974 when the Giants finished 2-12 under Bill Arnsparger and had four quarterbacks with Craig Morton seeing action in eight games (the most). The Giants had just 12 touchdown passes that year and only 11 rushing touchdowns and only scored 195 points.

That’s just 13.9 points per game!

The memories become more vivid when I move up to 1975 and 1976, but I really remember how painful everything became when John McVay took over as head coach in 1976. The following year the infamous Joe Pisarcik became the starting quarterback and threw four touchdown passes in 14 games.

Then came 1978 and The Fumble when Pisarcik attempted to hand off to Larry Csonka.

That was bad, but when Phil Simms came on board in 1979 and Bill Parcells took over as head coach in 1983, the disaster was over.

And that was about the time the New York Yankees became the darlings of the tabloid newspapers.

It was the fourth go-around – the fourth! – under manager Billy Martin. But a third place finish wasn’t good enough for George Steinbrenner and Martin was fired, replaced by Yogi Berra, who managed one full season (finishing third) before getting fired 16 games into the 1985 season to be replaced by – yep – Billy Martin.

Then Lou Piniella took over in 1986 before Billy Martin was resurrected yet again in 1988, lasting 68 games (with a 40-28 record no less) before Piniella took over the reins once again. Back in the late 1970s when the Yankees were winning, it was okay that Martin was fighting marshmallow salesmen and publicly fighting with Reggie Jackson and Steinbrenner, but when the Yankees were not winning it just became so tiresome.

In the late 1980s, the fan-based movement to have Steinbrenner banned from baseball for ruining the Yankees was rock bottom.

And now that the Yankees are one of the most dominant franchises in baseball (thanks to the deep, deep pockets of the YES Network), it’s time for the New York Knicks to be the top disaster in professional sports.

It started in 2001-02 when Jeff Van Gundy was fired 19 games into the season and replaced by Don Chaney. Since that moment the Knicks have made one horrible decision after another, all the while maxing out a payroll that has no hopes of ever getting under the salary cap.

When Isiah Thomas was named president of the organization in December of 2003, the bottom really fell out of the team.

The travesties that followed are all well documented, but the one that really burned me was trading a first round draft pick to the Chicago Bulls for an overweight, out-of-shape, marshmallow with a bad heart (Eddie Curry) and then finding out that first round pick would be the second overall pick in the draft!

Folks, this one is not getting any better any time soon. The Knicks have turned into a totalitarian regime, with the team-owned MSG network unable to report any relevant news, with players and coaches not permitted to speak to the media without a team PR person on hand, and with Thomas still in charge.

Oh, Patrick Ewing – where have you gone?

I – along with many others – have suffered through three of the worst disasters in professional sports and all of it makes being a Chicago Cubs fan look pretty good.