Tao Girls Gather To Celebrate Their Lives

By Kaaren Valenta

Caryn (C.J.) Golden and Jamie Callan are writing a book that could be subtitled “Real Women Tell Their Secrets To Being Happy At Any Age.”

They call themselves Tao Girls –– women who follow the path of aging with joy and grace, humor and vitality, and a vision of the future –– and they hold workshops, called Tao-Girl Birthday Events, to spread the word.

But growing older gracefully was not always C.J. Golden’s forte. Her midlife crisis came several years ago when she learned that her daughter-in-law was pregnant.

“I wanted to ask her ‘How could you do this to me –– make me a grandmother?’” she recalled.

Perhaps it was Ms Golden’s career as an actor in New York and Los Angeles that had lured her into the cult of youth.

“Women are afraid of losing their beauty but beauty isn’t what you see in People magazine –– beauty is within,” she said. “We have to forget the message that the media is giving us and hopefully change that message. We want women to be happy, to live their lives to the fullest, no matter what their age.”

C.J. Golden seemed to have that kind of a life. She left her job as a speech therapist in the New Fairfield school district to become an actor, a career that beckoned after she became active in community theater and helped to launch the Candlewood Playhouse when it opened 20 years ago.

“I worked in New York and Los Angeles doing commercials, soap operas, theater, radio, and a bit part in the movie Chaplain but eventually I decided that wasn’t the life that I wanted,” she said. “I used to work seasonally, spending ten weeks at a time away from home.”

Twelve years ago she met Joseph Golden, who operated a travel agency in New Fairfield. After one more road trip, she came home to stay. The couple married and four years ago moved to Newtown.

“I started writing at Joe’s insistence about six or seven years ago,” she said. “I went to Fairfield University to brush up on my skills and met Jamie, who was my instructor. I took two courses from her. She is a published writer of young adult books and teaches writing at schools like Fairfield and New York University. So when I had an idea for a book, I called her.”

“We needed a name but the names for older women –– senior, crone, doyenne, dowager –– certainly did not fit,” Ms Golden said. “We are talking about a woman who approaches her age in a fun, yet spiritual way. She’s sexy and intelligent and ages gracefully and happily with a sense of humor and a vision for the future.”

The two writers came up with the concept of the Tao Girl, what they call the Tao of aging.

“Tao is a philosophy, not a religion,” Ms Golden explained. “It means living live as it comes, being one with life rather than fighting it.”

When she first suggested Tao Girls, Jamie Callan heard “cowgirls.”

“No, Tao Girls, I said,” Ms Golden recalled. “Imagine Annie Oakley practicing tai chi and you get the idea.”

They found a literary agent who said that to write the book, they needed to start a grassroots movement to learn about women’s lives and their attitudes about aging.

“So we went on the Internet, got T-shirts and hats, pins, trademarked our name,” she said. “We started sending ‘Weekly Wisdom’ to women on our mailing list.”

They started holding workshops and women came.

“The workshops are like the consciousness-raising groups from the 1960s,” Ms Golden said. “They are loosely structured. One of the things we do is to hand out crayons, scissors, glue, poster paper and magazines so the women can make timelines of events of their lives. You look at your life to decide when you were the happiest. If you are totally happy now, then you share your secrets.”

In March a dozen women gathered at the Omni Hotel in New Haven for a workshop. The women, in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, gathered to talk about their lives and their feelings about aging. They laughed, and sang and danced.

“It’s unbelievable how women who had never met each other before can open up and want to share,” Ms Golden said.

The next workshop, for mothers and daughters, is planned for May 17 in Danbury. It includes a continental breakfast, buffet lunch, and is $50 per person. Another will be held in Stamford in the fall.

A registration form is available on the website at www.taogirl.com, and can be reached by email at thepath@taogirl.com or by phone at 364-0342.

Today, C.J. Golden proudly says that she is a grandmother.

“I will be 59 in June and I have two grandchildren,” she said. “Last year was the very first time I let my family hold a birthday party for me. I have a very different outlook on age now.”