A Place To Grow

By Nancy K. Crevier

Barbara Terkildsen lost not only her significant other when her husband died in 2002. She lost her social partner, as well. Suddenly, she found herself navigating life as a “single,” something she had not done in 33 years.

What this Newtown woman found is that widowhood is another life, sometimes a lonely life.

You don’t go out with couples as a single person, she discovered. Still, once she adjusted to her new existence without her spouse, she longed for a social life.

She sought out singles groups and dances geared toward those without partners, outings that Ms Terkildsen labels “a nice get-out.” These gatherings, however, often had an awkward side to them.

“The situation we’re [widows and widowers] experiencing is entirely different from what other singles are experiencing,” says Ms Terkildsen. “When you say you’re widowed you get a different reaction. People don’t know how to talk to you.”

What she wanted, and what she believed many other widows and widowers wanted, was a comfortable setting to be around other people who were in the same situation — that of having lost a life partner. The area abounds with bereavement groups, according to Ms Terkildsen, but they do not address the needs of widows and widowers as they become ready to enjoy the rest of their lives.

So she decided to start a Widows and Widowers Social Group.

She emphasizes that this is strictly a social group, a place to make new friends with whom to share common interests.

“You’re not there to dwell on the loss,” she states, “You are there to nurture yourself, to do for yourself.”

At the first meeting held April 13 at St Rose Church, Ms Terkildsen expected about a dozen others to show up. To her pleasant surprise, more than 40 widows and widowers from Newtown and surrounding towns attended the meeting.

“Most widows and widowers need new friends who are experiencing the same thing in life you are,” she says.

The group can also serve as a sharing space to help others learn how to do for themselves, or get help in doing, things that had been the expertise of their partner. Everyone agreed there was a big need for this.

At the organizational meeting, the members discussed setting up spin-off groups geared toward specific interests such as movies, theater, deep-sea fishing, hiking and travel, as well as having a monthly meeting. They hope to take on a charity event once a year, as well.

The next meeting is set for 7 pm, Tuesday, May 17, in the meeting room of St Rose School on Church Hill Road. Ms Terkildsen says the group welcomes more members, and she can be reached at 426-5513 for more information. The Widows and Widowers Social Group will hold a potluck dinner at that meeting and identify future activities.

One thing they did nail down at the last meeting, though, says Ms Terkildsen, was their motto, which she hopes will draw even more participants: “Happiness and Fun are the Best Medicine.”