Wholistic Parenting Reaffirms Parenting Skills

By Nancy K. Crevier

“Parents can get into a ‘dance’ with their children and repeat it over and over. Power struggles can happen,” said Suzy DeYoung. In teaching at New York City and Connecticut preschools, Ms DeYoung had seen this over and over again and realized that there was a need to support parents in their relationships with their children. It was while teaching, too, that Ms DeYoung, who holds a master’s degree in parent and child development from Bank Street College of Education in New York City, confirmed that her interest was in working with parents.

“It’s a belief I’ve had since graduate school that parent education is important. I saw result from studies when I was in school,” she said.

Last summer, Ms DeYoung founded her business, Wholistic Parenting, at 25 Church Hill Road. “My job as a parenting coach is to help parents change their perception of their children or the problem, to help them understand why a child is behaving as he or she is,” she said. Wholistic Parenting offers parents the opportunity for a “check-up” on their family’s emotional growth and a means to establish new habits of relating, as well as to gain confidence in their parenting skills.

The Wholistic Parenting approach differs from traditional therapy or coaching in that Ms DeYoung meets only with the parents, and does not focus on just the issue. “I look at a child’s likes, dislikes, temperament, and who they are as a person, and I can get a good feel for that through the parents,” said Ms DeYoung. She also takes into consideration a child and parent’s health and eating habits, as that can have a profound effect on behavior. The entire lifestyle of the family must be taken into consideration.

Every parent and every child is different, and how each parent and child interacts with each other differs, said Ms DeYoung. “We work at co-creating a solution with the parents that works for that particular situation and that particular child,” she explained. Even within the same family, different solutions may need to be applied to different children.

Wholistic Parenting aids parents in looking at who a child is, rather than who the parent wants that child to be, said Ms DeYoung. “If a child feels understood, it is a huge piece. When they are understood, they will be more cooperative,” she said.

The average parent who comes to Ms DeYoung is not dealing with overwhelming outside issues, she said, but rather is getting worn down by the day-to-day grind. Parents want what is best for their children and are seeking guidance to correct annoying or wearisome habits that are affecting the parent-child relationship.

Several parents that have come to her have tried other methods to reduce the friction between themselves and their children. “So many programs offer stock solutions, but these solutions are not always a great fit for everyone,” she said.

“First I look at where things have worked, what they have done in the past that is successful with that child. Then we give the child some power, including decisionmaking,” she said. Frequently, families do not delegate any decisionmaking to the children, resulting in frustration for the child and misbehavior. The potential solution is often obvious with a little searching, said Ms DeYoung. “It can be as simple as play acting or having the parent role model, for example, or just taking the time to sit down and find out what is behind the behavior,” she said.

Homework is a common ground for battle, said Ms DeYoung, as an example. She recommends that instead of ordering when and where homework is done, to find out why a child is balking. Sometimes just talking to a parent about how much they do not want to do homework and hearing that the parent understands that resolves the issue; sometimes a family needs to tweak its lifestyle to accommodate a better time and place for a child to excel. When the child is included in decisions that affect them, they are likely to respond positively, she said.

Wholistic Parenting builds on the good that is already in a relationship. “At the end of the day, I ask parents to reflect on the interactions throughout the day and how much was positive and loving. If I can make one person go home from meeting with me and see a situation differently, I feel like I’m doing my job. You can read it all in a book, but it helps to have some hands-on input,” said Ms DeYoung.

The office for Wholistic Parenting is located at 25 Church Hill Road. Ms DeYoung is in the office Fridays and Saturdays for scheduled appointments. Or other days by arrangement. Contact her at 731-7557 for more information.