Local Chapter Of Historic Blue Star Mothers Group Organized

By Shannon Hicks

“Son or daughter?”

That is the way new members approach and greet each other, and that is how Kathleen Pritz greeted The Bee’s reporter to the Blue Star Mothers Group meeting in Stony Hill on March 10. Mothers of servicemen and women gather once each month at the firehouse on Route 6 in Bethel and hold meetings to offer support to each other and the troops who are currently serving in the name of the United States Armed Forces.

Kathleen’s son Kyle is a lance corporal in the Marine Corps. He is stationed at the USMC Air Station in Cherry Point, N.C., and his mother knows that although he is currently on the base, he will eventually be deployed. That is what worries Kathleen, who found herself at the Blue Star Mothers chapter meeting for the first time last month.

“I have so many friends and coworkers who support me, but they have no idea what we go through as parents,” she said. “I found all these people in the community who support us, but it helps to meet others who are going through the same thing I am.”

Connecticut had three Blue Star Mothers Group chapters already formed when the latest chapter, CT4-Northern Fairfield County, began meeting in December. (CT1 is based in Thomaston and named Connecticut Blue Star Mothers; CT2, North Central Connecticut, is based in Enfield; and CT3, Middlesex County Blue Star Mothers, meets in Cromwell.) Thirty-seven states have at least one active chapter; California, with 19 active and another pending, has the largest number of chapters.

Bethel resident Patricia Wilson-Perkins started the chapter, which serves mothers in northern Fairfield County as well as Putnam County, N.Y. Additional officers — and the chapter’s charter members — are First Vice President Ellen Shanley, Recording Secretary Megan Hostler, chapter Financial Secretary Laurie McCollum, who also serves as sergeant at arms, chapter Treasurer Kristine Bruno, Parliamentarian Debbie Burke, and Blue To Gold liaison Stephania Naiman.

The group has already grown to 26 members as of its March meeting, said Ms Wilson-Perkins, with women from Bethel, Danbury, Newtown, and Ridgefield finding their way to Stony Hill on the second Tuesday of each month. Sandy Hook resident Laurie McCollum and Newtown resident Susanne Zencey are among the group’s members.

The Blue Star Mothers of America, Inc, is a nonpartisan, nonpolitical organization of mothers who have, or have had, children serving in any branch of the armed services. Members of the service organization supports each other and their children while promoting patriotism.

The organization’s roots go back to January 22, 1942, when The Flint News Advertiser printed a coupon asking mothers of servicemen to fill out the coupon and return it. The following February 1, a group of 300 mothers met in The Durant Hotel, in Flint, Mich., with Captain George H. Maines, who had conceived the idea of the group, acting as chairman of the first meeting. It was decided that after receiving 1,000 responses from the ad, a permanent organization would be formed.

On February 6, the organization was reported on Congressional record; chapters quickly formed in at least nine states. In June 1960 the organization was chartered by Congress.

Ms Wilson-Perkins followed the route of Capt Maines when she decided to launch the Stony Hill chapter: She used the local newspapers to announce her intentions, inviting mothers and stepmothers to contact her.

Ms Wilson-Perkins had three children deployed last year. One son and daughter-in-law have returned, having served in the Army Reserve and National Guard in Afghanistan. The third, another son who is also in the Army, is expected to finish his 14-month tour of Iraq in June.

The Stony Hill group begins its meetings with a gathering of officers at 6:30 pm, and all members gather at 7 for The Pledge of Allegiance. Meetings generally open with a business session, then a review of the previous month’s minutes and officers’ reports, said Ms Wilson-Perkins.

“Then we open the floor to the membership, to hear where they’re at, what’s happening, does anybody need anything, who has kids they’re worried about or have something to brag about,” said the chapter president. “Good or worrisome, it’s a round robin of each mom who has anything they want to talk about. The floor is open for general discussion and that can go on for however long anyone needs it to go on.”

Meetings generally follow Robert’s Rules of Order, but like most gatherings there are diversions and side conversations that pop up. When Ms Wilson-Perkins mentioned last month that parliamentarian Debbie Burke was excused from the meeting because she was in Hawaii welcoming her son home, discussion soon evolved into talk of creating a chart for the women to keep track of where their children are, when they are due home, and even where they would be shipping in to.

That meeting also included the unveiling of a banner that was being worked on by Pam Tibbits and which was then used when the group marched in Danbury’s St Patrick’s Day Parade.

There is a lot of give and take between the women. Suggestions, first-person stories, updates on children and projects… it is all shared during the sit-down portion of the evening. When Pam asked if anyone knew of a pattern for neck coolers — which are worn like a headband or around a soldier’s neck to offer a few hours of cooling comfort in the desert — Megan Hostler immediately raised her hand and said, “I do. I’ll get mine to you.”

Busy Meetings

“The last few meetings have been busy,” said Laurie McCollum, a Newtown resident whose son Rylan is a Marine Corps lance corporal. He finished a tour of duty in Afghanistan in October and, says Mrs McCollum, the family expects he will be redeployed by late summer. The Blue Star chapter is “absolutely” a positive experience for her, she said.

“It was amazing how fast our group formed and bonded,” she said this week. “I guess when you have something like that in common, with a bunch of women especially, you get close. I think some of the women are branching out to each other individually, not just waiting for once a month when we’re meeting.”

The January meeting probably led to a lot of that interaction.

“Our biggest support meeting, when we share our feelings about our sons and daughters, was definitely that month,” she said. “That was very emotional. I think a lot of moms who join are looking for that ‘please help me’ kind of thing, where they can talk with someone else who really understands what they’re going through.

“We’d like to lend this kind of support at each meeting, especially to the new moms,” she added.

Last month after the group finished the discussion portion of the evening, the women spent time putting Easter candy into bags and then filling boxes with the holiday treats as well as plenty of other items to send off to the troops. There were blankets and travel pillows, boxes of crackers and cookies, tissues and other hygiene items, magazines and books… everything that might help a soldier’s day be a little more comfortable.

In April the group will welcome members of the local chapter of the Sons of the American Revolution (SAR). As of earlier this week, ten SAR members had said they were interested in learning about the new Blue Star Mothers of America chapter. In turn, at least 17 Blue Star mothers had signed up to be part of a presentation that would allow them to share information about their sons and daughters. In May the group plans to, among other things, decide whether to march in Danbury’s Memorial Day Parade.

“We try to have a business meeting and something special each month,” said Mrs McCollum.

Contrary to what the group’s name implies, fathers and other relatives can also become associated with Blue Star Mothers. Blue Star Dads is in the process of reorganization, but the Stony Hill Blue Star Mothers group is encouraging fathers and stepfathers to apply for associate member status. Blue Star associate membership will also be granted to those who have a spouse, sister, brother, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin or even a friend in the Armed Forces of the United States.

Relatives and friends of former and current servicemen and women are all important to the group’s success.

“We welcome moms and others whose children are serving not only now, but have been honorably discharged,” Ms Wilson-Perkins said. “Those moms are helpful because they’ve been there and can help support the moms who are going through it now.”

Joining Up

When women join the chapter they are asked to fill out an application, which is essentially a request for basic information (name, address, phone number, etc) about themselves and their children. Dues for moms are $20, which are split between the local chapter and Blue Star Mothers of America-National; associate members do not pay dues.

The Stony Hill chapter of Blue Star Mothers of America is fully affiliated with the national organization. It has its charter but has not yet held an official installation ceremony.

The organization’s name comes from the familiar Blue Star Banner, which was designed in 1917 during World War I by Army Captain Robert L. Queissner, who had two sons serving on the front lines. The small banner, which officially measures 8½ by 14 inches, quickly became the unofficial symbol of a child in military service. Seven decades later, families with loved ones serving proudly continue to display these banners in their windows, with one star for each family service member.

(Gold stars, incidentally, denote a son or daughter killed or missing in action. The Gold Star Mothers of America, Inc, came from that group. The Silver Star Families of America is the group devoted to the injured or ill soldiers.)

 “Moms can come and just show up at a meeting,” said Ms Wilson-Perkins. “We are here to support the mothers and families who support those who serve. Sometimes it’s a shoulder to cry on, or an email address, looking up something, finding a contact name. There are a lot of different ways we help each other.”

It is not unusual for women to enter the group as strangers and leave not only as acquaintances with a son or daughter serving in common. Many women have found other mothers with sons and daughters on the same base, sometimes even on the same ship.

That happened for Kathleen Pritz. When she introduced herself in March and mentioned where her son Kyle is stationed, Nancy Anderson introduced herself. Nancy has two sons, both in the Marine Corps. James is training at Fort Bliss in Texas, and Matthew is at Cherry Point… as is Kathleen’s son.

The next meeting of CT4 Blue Star Mothers of America will be Tuesday, April 14, at Stony Hill firehouse. Meetings begin at 7 (officers arrive at 6:30), and all mothers and stepmothers are welcome. Reservations are not needed, but additional information is available from Pat Wilson-Perkins at 948-7972.

The group also has an active website. Visit NorthernFairfieldCountyBlueStarMoms.club.officelive.com.