‘Diagnosing’ Stress—

Counseling Professionals Cast Light On Dark Side Of Teen Years

By Kendra Bobowick

Like the jolt from a nightmare, teen stress can be a jarring experience. Fatigue, falling grades, withdrawal, irritability, and anger are warning signs, according to information found on the Prevention Council’s website.

Professionals map out the different routes to stress.

James Harlow, MS, with Foothills Counseling Associates in Newtown, describes a large web of elements snaring teens and others into stressful lifestyles.

“We are all overwhelmed by the things we have to do, and all of us have to deal with different demands and even adults have trouble,” he said. Specifically, “teen stress is probably a reflection of stress in the community as a whole, and we’re seeing a lot of overstressed, overcommitted individuals who are juggling too much,” he said.

School, extracurricular activities, cars, and finances come to Mr Harlow’s mind. Compared to 50 years ago, teens “have a lot going on,” he said.

Expanding his observations, Mr Harlow explained that teens have the finances and resources to drive, but lack the experience to handle associated problems. “Teens are bombarded with adult decisions without the experience under their belt,” said Mr Harlow. “What if they just cracked up their car?”

Social factors like separated parents play a part in the stress in a young adult’s life. Mr Harlow said, “Prevalence of divorce is higher, latch key kids are more common,” he said. “Divorce has become a normal piece of society, but that doesn’t mean we have dealt with it well.”

Results of teen pressures likely emerge. The young men and women may turn to friends for help.

“We see a lot of 3 am calls from suicidal friends,” he said, which leads to another critical aspect of teen behavior.

Issuing a serious warning, Mr Harlow said, “Teen friends often get too involved with their peers without getting an adult involved.” Teens need to seek help in parents, teachers, counselors, advises Mr Harlow.

Stressing his point, he said, “Teens may feel old enough to handle things and want to help their friends, but if someone is thinking suicide, even the professionals have a hard time.”

Some teens may make another critical mistake when confronted with a friend in trouble.

“There are those who think they will get their friend in trouble, but they have to think about getting [their friend] as much help as possible.”

When a problem becomes clear, parents need to get involved he said.

“Teens may resist intervention, but the parents must enforce their parental prerogatives,” Mr Harlow said. In his experience, “Teens often do not come in on their own but are brought in by the parents who are concerned.”

Issuing another piece of sincere advice, Mr Harlow said, “For anyone experiencing stress or depression, seek responsible feedback.” Help is necessary. “When depressed, our thoughts don’t follow the route of reasonable problem solving.”

In The Details

Other causes of stress can literally fill the household, but remain camouflaged in modern technology, as professionals observe. Psychologist Leesa Sklover-Filgate diagnoses society with “busy sickness. We’re all so busy.”

An individual’s stress may sprout from things sacrificed to make room for the clutter of daily routines.

“Teens are stressed because there is so little downtime and reflection. Teens are expected to achieve and complete a lot of things without time to process,” said Ms Sklover-Filgate.

Many — not just teenagers — are guilty of multitasking, she said.

“We may be emailing while answering the phone, cooking while watching TV, and it’s all moving way too fast,” she said. “We think we’re being more efficient, but we’re losing sight of ourselves.”

Rather than dividing our attention, she suggests focus. “Learning should be a slower process—experience unfolding and learning about yourself and how you feel. It may happen when in bed watching the snow fall from a tree. We need that time,” she said.

Referring to the many stimulants in our environment, Ms Sklover-Filgate asks, “When do we turn it off? No one is going to do this for us, and each of us have a role, parents have a role to create an environment. We must purposely create that ritual and have time to pause.”

A night spent talking, for example, is her idea of a good habit to form. Slow down, she advises.

“Without contemplation, you don’t have time for creativity. If you [instant message] five people, you lose that moment,” said Ms Sklover-Filgate. “Go for a walk, write things by hand. We need those rituals as time to pause.”

Parents also feel the same stress, and may miss important cues in their children, she said. “It’s just a piece of the problem.”

Self esteem and identity form other pieces of the stress puzzle.

“Young people don’t know how to advocate for themselves and know what they want versus what others want,” she said.

Offering her thoughts on reducing stress, Ms Sklover-Filgate said, “To me, stress is failure to move to a tempo. Set up time with your kids to go to dinner once a week or do things together, go to the movies.”

Therapist Bart Schofield, who has a private practices in Newtown, offers resources for stress. In the Newtown area, he said “virtually all local agencies have staff that is prepared to handle cases of stress and anxiety in teens.” He indicates Newtown Youth Services and Catholic Family Services in Danbury as resources. He also indicates the local hospitals — Danbury, Waterbury and Saint Mary’s in Waterbury — have outpatient programs that would encompass adolescent stress. He also recommends Yale-New Haven Psychiatric.

“A major resource which is outside the realm of insurance coverage is The Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety,” he added. “They have several programs utilizing audio and video tapes which I have found to be extremely valuable.”

Individual tapes, covering only one or two types of issues, are available. Visit StressCenter.com. Information is also available on the Newtown home page, www.newtown-ct.gov.

Select the link to Prevention Council, then select Teen Stress. Also visit the Newtown Youth Services, Inc. at 10 Glen Road in Sandy Hook for more information on programs and services. Offered are preventative programs such as WIRED, (We Invite Rethinking about Engaging in Drugs and Drinking). Members of WIRED launch awareness campaigns such as chalking messages on the walkway in front of the high school, visible to those entering the building. The phone number is 270-4335. Find Newtown Youth Services on the web at www.newtownyouthservices.org, or e-mail them at newtownys@sbcglobal.net.

(Please see related story this issue, “Things Could Not Be Worse: Teen Stress Is Heavier Than We Think”)