Reed School Presentation Teaches Parents How To Protect Their Children Online

By Martha Coville

At a February 8 presentation in the Reed Intermediate School auditorium, Reed Vice Principal Anthony Salvatore and Newtown School Resources Officer Gladys Pisani advised Newtown parents to rely on common sense and communication to protect their children online. Internet predators are not the only ones targeting children in cyberspace, they also advised. Increasingly, Mr Salvatore said, schools and child advocates are focusing on the harm caused by cyberbullying.

“The state of Connecticut has really been on the forefront,” of educating parents on how to protect their children online, said Mr Salvatore. “I was surprised to learn that.”

Officer Pisani told parents not to be intimidated if they are not as computer savvy as their children. Instead, she told them to begin talking to their children about what they do on the Internet, and to set boundaries in a common sense manner.

“Parents should ask the same questions about kids’ Internet use they’d ask when their children go out on Saturday night,” she said.

 

The ‘Bulletin Board Rule’

Mr Salvatore told parents that Internet predators are not a new breed of pedophiles. Instead, they represent a group of Internet-savvy pedophiles who have simply found a new way to target children. The Internet predator works slowly and carefully, he said, and uses a child’s insecurities and vulnerabilities to “groom” him or her into consenting to a face-to-face meeting.

Officer Pasani said that the stereotype of the 50-year-old man targeting a teenage girl does not always ring true.

“Women can be Internet predators, too. And males can be victimized online, too,” she said.

Officer Pasani said the number one rule parents must impress upon their children is, “Don’t talk to strangers online. I always tell students, no matter how many times you’ve spoken to them, if you don’t know them through family, friends, or school, they’re still a stranger.”

The second thing parents must teach their children, she said, is to never give out personal information.

“That’s what we stress,” Officer Pasani said, adding that most middle school-aged children should also know better than to include their names or ages in their screen names. Still, she said, parents should ask, “What does your screen name say about you? Does it give out too much information?”

Pictures and videos posted online can also reveal a child’s identity or location.

“Even something like a school mascot in the background can reveal where a kid is going to school,” said the police officer. “In high school, team jerseys can give away what school your child goes to.” Webcams pose a similar danger. “Webcams show children’s bedrooms, and can reveal personal information about them,” she pointed out.

Communication comes into play in parent-child discussion about online behavior, Officer Pasani said, because parents need to ask who their children talk to online, just as they ask with whom they are going out on a Saturday night.

“Know who’s on your child’s buddy list,” she said. “Make sure that if your child uses AOL’s Instant Messenger, that they block instant messages [Ims] from unknown users.” In fact, she said, parents should consider creating their own IM account to keep tabs on their children’s online activity. An IM account can be created for free at www.aol.com.

Similar rules apply to social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook.

“Networking sites are basically just another place where predators might be lurking,” she said. The risk of interacting with strangers rises on sites like these, Officer Pasani said, because “teens add people they don’t actually know to their buddy list or friends list to look popular.”

To parents worried that their children might be posting inappropriate or risqué pictures, Officer Pasani said, “All uploaded photos should be preapproved by parents.” An important rule, she said, is “never post anything you wouldn’t post in the hallway at school. I call it the bulletin board rule. Once you put something online, you can’t take it back.”

In response to one parent’s question, Officer Pisani confirmed that there have been “quite a few” incidents involving teenagers and older Internet users in Newtown. “We get a lot of young teenagers, you know 13 or 14, young, online, and pretending to be 20, so people think they’re talking to someone older.”

Officer Pasani offered several commonsense tips for protecting children online, and gave parents specific information on how to shield their children’s identities. But her last caution was the most practical of all.

“Keep computers out of the bedroom,” she said. “It isolates children. And it’s about fulfilling basic human needs, so your child won’t go online” and befriend a stranger to relieve feelings of desperation and loneliness.

Cyberbullying

Several Newtown schools have antibullying policies. Mr Salvatore and Officer Pasani extend their concern about bullying into cyberspace.

“Cyberbullying includes spreading rumors, posting pictures without the subject’s consent, stealing someone’s password to assume their identity [and] harassing or threatening with offensive language,” said Officer Pasani, who said that Newtown residents have been the victims of such harassment. Teachers have also been victimized, she said, offering an example of a Reed teacher who received an anti-Semitic message.

What is most disturbing about cyberbullying, Mr Salvatore said, is the disconnect between attacker and victim.

“It’s called ‘disinhibitation,’” he said. “Online, bullies just see the words they type. They never see the effect or reaction on the victim’s part. It’s like being desensitized to violence by watching TV.”

“Newtown police tell parents whose children who have been bullied or harassed online to call the police,” said Officer Pasani. “Lots of times, kids come up to me, and say, ‘Officer Pasani, Officer Pasani, someone was harassing me online.’ And I say, ‘did you save the messages or e-mails they sent you?’”

The good news about cyberbullying, Mr Salvatore said, is that “if you’re cyberbullying, you’re really documenting your own doom.” As Law & Order fans know, “nothing is really ever deleted” from a hard drive. The Reed teacher who received the anti-Semitic message turned it over to the police, Mr Salvatore said, who in turn used it to identify the sender.

Mr Salvatore said that parents and teachers can protect students from Internet predators and cyberbullies by giving them the tools they need to protect their identities and to identify inappropriate or harassing messages.

“It’s part of our Caring Community at Reed,” he said. “We always tell children, that if there is cyberbullying going on, or if a predator is targeting children, you’ll know about it before we do. We can’t be with them all the time, but we can give them the skills they need.”

Officer Pasani ended the presentation by referring parents who wanted more information, or who would like to how to block inappropriate content, to www.NetSmartz.org or www.CyberTipline.com. Netsmartz offers information for both parents and children, and includes videos and content designed especially for younger children. It also “decodes” the abbreviated online slang teenagers use to communicate with each other while instant messaging.

Cybertipline is the Congressionally mandated online-reporting tool for child sexual exploitation.