If Love Makes The World Go ‘Round—

What Makes Love Go ‘Round?

By Nancy K. Crevier

Falling in love is easy. Pheromones present in sweat send out come-hither signals to members of the opposite sex. Personal attractions based on appearance and personality come into play, and the chemicals begin to swirl in an irresistible combination throughout the body. Attraction is the first step in the complicated dance of romance and as each plateau is reached, it turns out that hormones, not Cupid and his arrow, are responsible for who stays in love and who is left tending a broken heart.

A sense of elation, high energy, a need for little sleep, and complete obsession with the object of affection paint a rosy glow over the entire world occupied by new lovers. The heart racing, head-in-the-clouds feeling that happens when two people first are attracted and begin the ritual of romantic interplay is the pleasant affliction of hormones in overdrive. It is what ensures the continuation of the species.

Who has not witnessed a reliable friend suddenly become one that cannot be counted on? Who has not been stood up by a same-sex friend when someone of the opposite sex beckons him or her? What family has not stood by in dismay as the household was turned topsy-turvy by true love? Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, friends and children can be left holding the bag when love comes calling. “Crazy in Love,” it turns out is not just an expression, as several anonymous Bee readers attested.

In spring there can still be a bite of winter in the air. But that did not stop one woman’s new love from jumping on his motorcycle in early March, at 10:30 at night, to drive 180 miles to see her. That in itself would have been exceptional, but he ran out of gas 45 miles from her door step in the days of the 1970s gas shortage when no late-night gas stations were open. Instead of spending the night curled up in her arms, he curled up in his snowmobile suit and slept outdoors until the station opened, he fueled up, and arrived with the Sunday paper in his hands, teeth a-chatter, to surprise her.

Another young thing blew off the chance to have dinner with Jimmy Carter’s press secretary Jody Powell to pursue dinner with an attractive fellow worker. A year and a half later, the co-workers were married and 28 years later are still a team.

Another couple spent over three hundred 1970s dollars every month on telephone bills to bind their long distance romance. So much to say, so little time to say it in….

Falling head over heels in love is the fault of an adrenalinelike chemical called norepinephrine, and dopamine and phenylethylamine, hormones that surge through the body when falling in love. They are responsible for the flush, physically and mentally, of excitement that leaves a newly romantic couple breathless, say researchers such as Helen Fisher of Rutgers University and Jaak Panksepp of Bowling Green Sate University in Ohio in articles published online at howstuffworks.com and discover.com. The hormones are what make us blind to flaws in those we love and even accepting of behaviors and qualities that would be scorned in another, nonromantic acquaintance. In essence, the early stages of romance are not unlike an addiction.

But while the first weeks of romance are filled with exhilaration fueled by lust, unless a couple bonds in ways more meaningful, the attraction can be short-lived. For lasting love, other hormones are called into play.

Oxytocin, released during sex, helps create an emotional bond. It is the same hormone that is released at birth, bonding mother to infant. Vasopressin, another hormone, combines with oxytocin, it is believed, to further strengthen a relationship, and the release of endorphins provide a sense of security and well-being that goes beyond a romantic relationship.

Vasopressin, according to Dr Fisher, may damper pathways of norepinephrine, and as norepinephrine, dopamine, and phenylethylamine diminish, the true colors of the perfect companion may become obvious. If bonding is not strong, the relationship may end. If, however, an emotional connection has been made, partners are able to accept imperfections in each other and a long-lasting relationship ensues. Vasopressin and oxytocin make for a kinder, more gentler view of a partner, it seems.

How do people bond? For one couple, it means supporting each other in new pursuits and doing things together. Being supportive in good times and in bad, including life-threatening illnesses, has formed bonds for them that would be hard to break.

Building memories and looking out for each other, as well as the common care of children, can nourish a love affair, long after it has ceased to be an affair. It is, for some, the small, everyday actions and words that bind their love. If hormones play a part in that, so be it.

Reflecting on his parents’ 50-year marriage, a local man says, “What is it that sustains love for that time period? The answer became quite apparent while reflecting back over the past 50 years, all the trials and tribulations, the joys and the sorrows, the accomplishments and the failures that life has tossed our way. It actually became quite easy to understand why my parents have survived as a couple and why there are still smiles on their faces. It is a strong love of God, a stronger love of each other, and an even stronger love of family. There is a constant air of mutual respect and devotion — and that is true love.”