Next Parent Connection-Sponsored Program Will Address Bullying

When thinking of the typical school bully, most will likely see a boy who is much larger, taller, and stronger than anyone else on the playground punching a smaller child. Just as society, technology, and politics have changed, so has the understanding of the bully. 

That is the theme of the next Newtown Parent Connection Forum to be held on February 6 at Reed Intermediate School from 7 to 9 pm (snow date February 8).

Dr Anthony Salvatore, assistant principal at Reed Intermediate School, will present the seminal research on bullying as well as local data. He will use Dr William Glasser’s choice theory/reality therapy (CT/RT) as the framework for the presentation. CT/RT is an internal control psychology that explains why and how people make the choices that determine the course of their lives. Parenting plays a critical role in developing the kinds of experiences that can lead to a child becoming a bully, a victim, a bystander, or a witness.

The forum will explore how CT/RT raises serious concerns about our predominant belief for much of the 20th Century in the entrenched extrinsic control psychology of coercion based upon the principles of operant conditioning better known as stimulus-response theory (S-R).

CT/RT believes that people are genetically programmed to be internally motivated in order to meet four basic psychological needs: love/belonging, power/competence, freedom/choice, and fun. It is a process that works as well for the bully as it does for the victim, bystander, or witness. It is a process that promotes the development of assertive rather than aggressive behavior. It is a counseling model rather than a punitive one.

As much as bullying behaviors are learned behaviors, they can be unlearned and more appropriate social behaviors put in to place in order to meet an individual’s basic human needs, according to CT/RT. The essential question that will be raised in this forum will be, “How do you meet the needs of a bully, a victim, a bystander, or a witness?” The answer is not simple and there is no quick-fix remedy but having the knowledge and the tools is a start.

The forum will look at the myths as well as the modern-day reality of bullies. Boys and girls are bullies, although in very different ways and for very different reasons. Bullies are as powerful as they are allowed to be by those who choose to watch and do nothing.

An emerging strategy of empowering the bystanders to become active witnesses is a powerful alternative that will be discussed.

The emerging arena of cyberbullying is potentially the most dangerous because it is the most covert form of bullying that is endorsed by a “code of silence” among young adolescents and teenagers. It is not only the cyberbullying words or images that are damaging, but also the anonymity and lack of visual and visceral contact with another human being that diminishes an individual’s capacity to develop empathy — a critical element found to decrease bullying behaviors.

Although there is no easy solution, this forum will provide participants with strategies, skills, a deeper sense of behavior and a richer quality of life.