Doggone Etiquette —

Listen Up, Dogs!

By Bardi McLennan

A Word to the Dog:           

For the past couple of months all you dogs have become true “house” dogs! The cold, snowy winter has been tough for most of you. It’s too cold for your VIPerson to take you for walks, and there’s too much snow on the ground and sub-freezing winds for you to stay outside for very long on your own. Of course, if you are one of those super-coated Northern breeds, you’ll take it all in stride if – and that’s a big IF – you have not been kept in the comfort of a nice overly warm home as a housedog all your life. 

The correct canine attire for any occasion is a well-fitted collar and leash. However, this winter weather can add a few items that are not only correct, but essential. If you are a tiny wee dog, or a puppy, or for that matter, even an older dog of a certain age, you really need a warm man-made coat for that quick “business trip” outside. Watch how your person puts the coat on you so you can cooperate, not fight it.                 

Boots make a nice fashion statement, but not all of you tolerate them. If you are in an area where de-icing chemicals are used, they will keep your feet safe, but draw the line at overly-fancy duds. Stick with what’s best for your health, comfort and welfare. You are a dog! On the other hand, don’t go around the house selecting your own shoes or socks. There is something called Murphy’s Law. Roughly translated, it means you’ll never find the right ones. Besides, you’ll only get in trouble for choosing the wrong ones!   

While we’re on the subject of being “house dogs” let’s talk about your bed. Every few days one of your VIPeople will take it upon themselves to rearrange your bedding. They mean well, but there is no reason to suppose that they know better than you where all the lumps and bumps in your bed should be.  Therefore, it is perfectly good manners on your part to put it all back the way you had it.

Whenever you and your people are house-bound you have to dream up new ways to amuse yourself. Here’s one that gets attention. You have probably noticed that choking and/or throwing up (“barfing”) is a good way to stop being yanked by the collar. Well, it is also useful for making a commentary on your routine cuisine. The first barf or two after one of these canine dinners may be ignored, so try again. You’ll no doubt be given a bowl of rice with some cooked chicken (white meat only), or maybe hamburger (ground round) along with soothing words such as, “Your little tummy will soon feel better.” If you happen to like Chinese, or think you’re a burger king, remember to pull this barf trick every now and then. (Do it too often and you’ll end up in the vet’s office.)

Now we’ll change one letter, and go from barF to barK.

We discussed people talking last week, but didn’t cover your participation in the conversation. Barking in the house is only okay if it is for (1) an emergency request to go out, or (2) an invasion alert (or friends are at the door) or (3) if, for example, it’s while playing with the kids. Excessive barking at birds, squirrels and the neighbor’s cat is considered annoying, unnecessary and is not appreciated by your VIPeople. Their one-word correction to stop you is “QUIET!” (No doubt that just sounds like people barking at you.) Obey it and you just might get a treat.               

When the snow melts, the ground dries and the sun shines, you can once again go out and play with your family and friends, everyone will be happy and you can bark up a storm!   

Until next time – BE GOOD!

- Bardi

 

Bardi McLennan bred, trained and showed Welsh Terriers for 30 years during which time she wrote a monthly column on canine behavior in Dog fancy Magazine. In addition to contributing to numerous dog publications, she has written 15 books on dogs, the latest being Rescue Me! which received the ASPCA Humane Issues Award in 2008.