Making The Most Of Your Fifties

By Jan Howard

Helping older women to meet challenges and to plan for productive, satisfying futures are two of the goals of a newly formed support group.

 Nancy Bocian of Newtown recently organized Making the Most of Your Fifties to help women 50 and over explore challenges they are facing and to get the most out of this period of their lives.

“Being in your 50s is very different than being in your 30s or 40s,” Ms Bocian said. “Most of the women in the group agree.”

 She said there is a difference in focus because many women in their 50s are approaching the end of their present careers. “We’re exploring what our lives will be in the future.

“There are challenges you face in your 50s at work. Your career is nearing an end. You want to think about what you want to do, such as a second career,” she added.

“I hope the group will be self-perpetuating,” Ms Bocian said. “It took a while to get off the ground.” An attempt to organize the group last year was unsuccessful.

The group first met two months ago and has now held three meetings. Twelve women have expressed interest and at least seven have attended each of the meetings.

“We’re not all there all the time,” Ms Bocian said.

The members are primarily from Newtown, but she said the group is open to women from throughout the area.

Ms Bocian said she is reinventing getting older. “Our mothers got old in their 50s. I want to be vigorous and engaged in life forever until I die. That is my goal.”

Nevertheless, she said, “It’s a surprise to be older. It’s a kind of grief. We’re grieving for our youth. You see how your parents aged, and you want to extract the best out of your life.”

Ms Bocian, who has lived in Newtown for four and a half years, has been a teacher in the Carmel, N.Y. Central School District for almost 20 years.

An enthusiastic birder, Ms Bocian said she is looking for people interested in bluebirds and a place to build a bluebird trail. She is a computer buff and an avid reader and hiker.

The group gives her an opportunity to meet area women. Because she works in New York State, she said, “I never seem to run into anyone.”

Ms Bocian sees the group as being a resource for information and a place for its members to network. Women are good at nurturing, she noted, but not as skilled at networking and furthering themselves in the outside world.

 Sharing names to make up a list of people who do household repairs is one way she sees the members helping each other.

To date the group has had no specific program, but has assigned topics for discussion each week. Some of the group’s discussions have focused on changes in careers and goals, and exercise and being fit, Ms Bocian said, “topics that were not generally part of our parents’ idea of getting older.”

“We want to explore issues we’re confronting so we don’t feel so isolated,” she noted.

In the future, the group may consider inviting speakers on specific topics, holding seminars, or sponsoring trips, she said. She also sees the group becoming more social as its members get to know each other better.

One possible speaker might be a career counselor for those wondering what they want to do next with their lives, she said.

 “Because we’re new, we’ve tried to stay focused,” Ms Bocian said.  “We’re a varied group of women as far as careers and interests. It is a very interesting group.”

Ms Bocian said many women in their 50s are the “sandwich” generation. They have spent years being caregivers, first for their children and then for older relatives.

She said the group members could help by lending a hand and through brainstorming ideas.

The group has no officers or dues, though its members split the cost of the meeting room.

Making the Most of Your Fifties meets on the first and third Thursday of the month at 7 pm at the Newtown Congregational Church House, 41A Main Street.

“We want to make these years as rich as possible,” Ms Bocian said. “We can learn from each other. It’s someone to share our struggles and goals with.”

For additional information or to join the group, call Nancy Bocian at 270-1447.