Good Manners: Don’t Leave Home Without Them

By Nancy K. Crevier

It is grace and courtesy that we lose sight of in social situations, says etiquette instructor Teri LaRocque.

Ms LaRocque is a middle school teacher at The Fraser-Woods School in Newtown, with 26 years of experience. The Protocol School of Washington in Portland, Maine, certified her as an etiquette teacher in the spring of 2005. The five-day training session under the direction of etiquette maven Dorthea Johnson focused primarily on children, but adults can apply directions for good manners to their own lives, as well. “We all need a little help,” chuckles Ms LaRocque.

Respect for other people is essentially the crux of good etiquette. “Please” and “Thank you” are still the magic words, but in the technological age, a few new rules of etiquette need to be heeded.

Certainly, stereos, and televisions need to be turned off when conversing with someone in the same room as the electronics, as do video games. But it is cellphone users who are the worst offenders when it comes to forgetting our manners, says Ms LaRocque.

“Be considerate of others around you,” she reminds phone callers. “Whenever you’re in a public place, your phone should be silenced or on vibrate.” If you need to take an urgent call, Ms LaRocque suggests a discreet peek at the phone. “Then excuse yourself and go to a private area.”

Throughout the year, there are ample opportunities to enjoy a concert, the theater, movies, and other forms of live entertainment. Cellphones are best not invited to attend the event.

If you believe you will be receiving a call that cannot be ignored while at a concert or at the movies, she recommends sitting toward the rear of the concert hall in an aisle seat, so as to disturb as few others as possible when the call comes in.

“If you must leave during a performance,” she adds, “please wait for a break.”

Keep the conversation brief and quiet when in a public area. Not everyone needs to hear personal issues aired or private information made public.

Ms LaRocque concedes that even the most considerate person occasionally will forget to turn off the cellphone. Do not answer the phone, she says. “Just quickly silence it.”

Cellphone abuse is a problem at Edmond Town Hall, says theater manager Tom Mahoney. “I run a trailer before the movie [requesting cellphones be silenced],” he says, “but you still see [cellphones] lighting up all over the place.”

There is a tremendous amount of rudeness, he goes on to say, when it comes to cellphone usage during films. “It’s out of hand, in my opinion. I’ve seen it grow over the years.”

Mr Mahoney suggests that unless there is an emergency, cellphones should be turned off and left that way throughout the movie. Text messaging can be as annoying as an actual call as well, so leave the online chatting for at home.

The outer lobby of Edmond Town Hall or outside of it is the only place emergency calls should be made or received, according to Mr Mahoney. He has observed many cellphone users stepping just outside of the theater doors, and loud talking (another cellphone no-no) is easily heard through the doors, disrupting others who want to watch the show.

“We need to be respectful,” Mr Mahoney says.

More Theater Manners

Not just cellphone users are to fault for unpleasant experiences at the theater. Sometimes a gentle reminder of general concert manners is needed.

“Don’t leave a school performance when your child is finished with their part,” urges Ms LaRocque. “We all feel so rushed, but there’s really no excuse. It is rude and it sends the wrong message to your children.”

It can be exciting to see little Jimmy or Susie up on stage in that awfully cute costume, but one error in judgment enthusiastic parents make, Ms LaRocque notes, is to wave to children on stage. “It’s distracting to the performers, and the teachers have worked so hard to get the children to stand where they are supposed to and pay attention.” Praise can be showered upon the performer following the show.

Particularly if it is a live performance, it is important to arrive on time. Late arrivals interrupt a performance, and other viewers do not appreciate having to jostle about to make room for a tardy group.

If unforeseen circumstances do not allow a timely arrival, sit in the back until a transition time in the performance, or until intermission, says Ms LaRocque. “It’s not about you; it’s about the performers. Respect the time and effort they have put into their work.”

The same rules can be applied to moviegoers, and Mr Mahoney would add that chatter should cease when previews begin, and certainly when the feature film starts. “My favorite audience is little kids,” he says, “and you expect them to talk. But middle school kids just won’t shut up. I know they just want to socialize, but they need to be respectful of the others in the theater.”

Too much goofing around and disruptive talking will lead to being expelled from Edmond Town Hall, he warns. “I have, and will, throw out the offenders.”

Newtown Middle School provides helpful etiquette tips in its school performance concert programs for those who may not be familiar with attending live performances. In addition to prompt arrival, attending the complete concert, and keeping the lips zipped after lights go down, NMS adds: “Applaud only at the end of the piece. During a musical performance, the conductor’s hands will remain raised if there is a continuation of the piece. Watch for the conductor to completely lower his/her hands before clapping.”

Crinkly candy wrappers and slurpy juice boxes do not belong in a concert hall. Do not bring food to a live performance.

Every video camera owner is the next Cecil B. DeMille and every family member on stage is the next Yul Brenner. If it is necessary to videotape a performance, the side aisles and the rear of the concert hall are the only appropriate places to do so. It is distracting to other concertgoers to have video cameras in front, in back, or beside them, and as small as the electronics may be, they can still obstruct the view.

For their own safety and the respect of others, small children must always be escorted when leaving their seats. Every parent knows that a little child will pick the most inopportune time to whisper, “I have to go potty….” If possible, wait for a break in the performance before quickly and quietly taking the child by the hand and out the door. Upon returning, it is thoughtful to wait for an intermission before reentering the hall.

Children can be reminded of the concert rules prior to the start of the program, and if it is not possible for the child to sit quietly for the length of the concert, taking a seat at the back for a quick getaway is recommended.

Debris from food should not be an issue at a live performance, but the American way to watch a movie is with a 20-ounce soda in one hand, chewy candy snacks in the other, and a gallon bucket of popcorn on the lap. It would be a terrible thing if snack bags were left stuffed in chair cushions, soda was left to dry in a sticky mess on the floor, and crumbs left scattered about at home. But moviegoers do not think twice about leaving a mess when visiting the theater, Mr Mahoney laments.

“American moviegoers are not known for their tidiness,” he says. “It would make it a lot easier on my cleaning crew if people removed their popcorn containers and soda cups.” There are days when so much garbage is left in the theater, he says, that the cleaning crew uses a leaf blower to blow it all to the front of the theater for removal. How bad is that?

“Your manners reflect on you,” Ms LaRocque is quick to say. “Simply, respect other people.”