Q: I recently had a baby and was so excited about the prospect of motherhood. Now that the baby is here, I am feeling tired, trapped and alone. The baby cries all the time, eats around the clock, and that is about it. Is this the way it is always going to be? I don’t know what I have gotten myself into. Am I a terrible person to feel this way?

 

A: First of all, you are not a terrible person. Give yourself a break. Realize that you have just undergone a major life change. You are still recovering from giving birth. In addition, you probably are getting very little sleep. All of this can make anyone feel trapped and alone. The good news is that you are not alone. Many new parents (men too) feel this way after a new baby arrives. Unfortunately, there is no real way to prepare someone for parenthood; it is on-the-job training for most of us. Remember that there is no one right or wrong way to go about this. In time you will find what works best for you and your new baby. As you start to get a bit more sleep and your baby starts to become responsive (about six weeks of age) things should seem better. If you are still feeling this way, however, and you are concerned, contact your Ob-gyn and share your concerns. There are things your doctor can suggest that might help as well.

Q: It seems as if my child no sooner gets rid of one cold before the next one starts. Could there be something wrong with her?

 

A: Colds and other viruses are a part of childhood. Children have not had the opportunity to develop as many antibodies as adults so they are, in turn, more susceptible to these illnesses. The average child will get between eight and 12 colds per year with the majority of colds occurring between October and April. To minimize the number of colds that your child gets, have your family members wash their hands frequently to avoid passing germs back and forth, keep your home well humidified, and drink plenty of water. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you are not alone.

Q: I’m feeling pressure by other moms in my playgroup to enroll my daughter in pre-school. She will just have turned three by the time school starts. She’s bright, but a little shy. I just don’t feel that she is ready.

 

A: When it comes to our children and making decisions about their development, the best people to make those decisions are the parents, even when you aren’t sure what the “right” decision is. Nobody knows your child better than you do. If you don’t feel that she is ready, then chances are that she isn’t. Pre-school is an option, it isn’t a requirement. At age three, not all children are ready for preschool for a countless number of reasons. If she’s doing well with the activities that she is already involved in, why change that routine? If the playgroup will no longer be available because the other children won’t be available then, perhaps, you would feel more comfortable looking for a new group (or start your own), or with a program that you can also attend. Chances are next year, when she is four, you will feel that she is ready to take the next step.

A Hot Tip

Thought you had more wrapping paper? Instead of making a mad dash to the store, cut a paper grocery bag lengthwise and let your “in-house” artists go to work with crayons, markers and stickers. You will be amazed at their creativity and they will be proud of their “work of art.” The recipient will feel very special and nobody will need to know that you were ever in a crunch – they will just think that you are clever.

If you have a question that you would like answered, send it to Child Chat, in care of Health Monitor, The Bee Publishing Company, PO Box 5503, Newtown, CT 06470.

Barbara Gaines has a degree in early childhood development and has been a leader of the post partum support group at Danbury Hospital. The mother of two young children and three older stepchildren, Barbara lives with her husband, Richard, in Sandy Hook. Tina Fiorella lives in Bethel with her husband, John, and their two young boys. After putting her degree in psychology to work for several years in the mental health field, Tina is now a stay-at-home mom. Both women and their children have been involved in various playgroups and organized activities in the area.