Relay For Life—

The Cancer Survivor’s Credo: You Can’t Do It Alone

By Kaaren Valenta

Bob Von Der Linn still recalls the moment that he found the lump in his neck.

“I was on a flight to Scottsdale, Arizona, last July, reading a book and mindlessly rubbing my neck,” he said. “I felt [the lump] and was surprised because I knew it shouldn’t be there.”

Never a smoker, he dismissed the lump, figuring that a swollen lymph node might not reflect anything serious.

“About three weeks later, I thought about it, checked, and it was still there. I knew that wasn’t good, but I still wasn’t really worried because I had no other symptoms. I decided to schedule a routine appointment right after Labor Day with my family physician to have it checked. But I only did that because I had earlier shot off my mouth to my father-in-law — who chronically avoids doctors — telling him that when you have symptoms you have to go to the doctor.”

The appointment was not reassuring.

“I could tell by the look on my doctor’s face that something was not right,” he said. “She immediately sent me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist at Danbury Hospital, where they biopsied it and said it was cancerous.”

The diagnosis signaled the start of a journey that would change the lives of Bob and Wendy Von Der Linn and their children, Kelsey, almost 11, and Christopher, 8. The family’s first decision — after being told that he had stage four cancer and needed extensive surgery — was to have Bob Von Der Linn go to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City where specialists treat hundreds of cases of all kinds of head and neck cancers each year.

“It was squamous cell cancer, which is commonly known as a skin cancer but it can be on any surface of the body,” Mr Von Der Linn, 49, said. “It was on the base of my tongue and had spread to the lymph nodes on each side of the neck. The doctors said that the good news is that it can be treated and is curable, but having said this, it is a serious condition that requires very aggressive treatment.”

The first thing the doctors did was to order a surgical procedure to put in a feeding tube.

“I was shocked to hear that. It didn’t sound good at all,” Mr Von Der Linn said. “They told me ‘you’re not going to be able to swallow.’ I didn’t hear anything after that, but a lot of things happened quickly.”

Six weeks of concurrent chemotherapy and radiation followed. “I had two rounds of chemotherapy, plus 40 days of radiation, including radiation twice a day for two weeks after the second round of chemotherapy,” Mr Von Der Linn said. “I was completely immobilized — they tied down my hands and feet and put my head into a mask that was bolted to the table to line me up in exactly the same place every time I got the [radiation] treatment.”

The treatment took place at a satellite center of Sloan Kettering, Phelps Memorial Hospital Center in Sleepy Hollow, N.Y., about an hour’s drive from Newtown. Bob and Wendy Von Der Linn made the trip each weekday, then twice a day for the last two weeks.

When the treatment started, friends and neighbors of the Meadow Road family stepped in, forming a support group that came to be informally known as “Wendy’s Angels.”

“I had neighbors putting our children on the bus, taking them off, taking them to movies. I didn’t make a meal for months,” Ms Von Der Linn said. “My neighbor Jill Beaudry put together a schedule. We got gift certificates. People did so many kind and generous things for us. If I tell you there was one wonderful thing that happened, there was a million. We had angels every day at our door. It was amazing. ”

The overwhelming support helped the family gets through the days when emotional toll on the family was heavy. By the end of the intensive treatment, Bob Von Der Linn could no longer speak.

“I didn’t know if I would hear his voice again. It was rough,” his wife said.

On December 3, the last day of treatment, the Von Der Linns came home to find friends stringing up Christmas lights at their home.

“At this point I envisioned a day to relax and unwind,” said Wendy Von Der Linn, who is a certified physical fitness trainer and a Fitness by Phone coach. “I had a vision of a log in the fireplace. Then I got a phone call that my dad had a stroke and was in the hospital. We had to drive through a blizzard to get to the hospital on Long Island. It took my brother 17 hours to make what should have been a five-hour trip from upstate New York.”

“My dad died ten days later and the dinners were extended another month,” she said. “I don’t know how people get through these kind of experiences without help. Then we found out that Relay For Life was coming to Newtown for the first time this year.”

Bob Von Der Linn went back to work in January at General Electric, where he is a corporate leadership and quality trainer. In March his feeding tube was removed. He had lost 60 pounds. Although he still has some difficulty swallowing dry foods — his saliva glands were damaged by the radiation — he can eat and his voice has returned. He did not need surgery.

“It is hard to imagine how something so serious and bad could have such positive consequences,” he said. “The response by everyone was unbelievable. I don’t know how we would have done it without them.

“It was very humbling. We never anticipated all the generosity. We can never move out of Newtown now,” he added, smiling. “When I thought how on earth could we possibly thank everyone, I realized that the time would come when someone needs our help and we will be able to repay the generosity that way.”

That happened quickly. Bob and Wendy Von Der Linn already are part of a support network for a man in Redding who has the same kind of cancer. And they are captains of a team that will participate in thee Relay For Life event at Newtown High School June 12–13. To raise money for the event, they plan to hold a tag sale on Saturday, June 5, at a house on Glover Avenue.

“Our team is named Cat Wings. The name comes from an uplifting story in a book for children,” Ms Von Der Linn said.

Relay For Life is the signature event of the American Cancer Society and will be taking place in more than 4,000 communities this year. A dinner, reception, and ceremony will be held for cancer survivors and caregivers beginning at 5 pm on June 12. The dinner will be followed by a symbolic walk around the track, then dessert and coffee. Entertainment will be provided by MaryBeth and Gary Sippin. A luminaria ceremony will be held at 9 pm.

“Just imagine that each of the luminaria represent a story like mine, replicated millions of times across the country,” Mr Von Der Linn said.

Cancer survivors are invited to participate and should reserve a place at the complimentary dinner by calling Barbara Baldino, 270-1049; Shane Miller, 364-1029; Peg Redmond, 426-3937, or email relaysurvivor@yahoo.com for information and reservations.

The co-chairpersons for the Newtown relay are Dawn Escoda, 270-7541, and Ivette Gerics, 426-3589.

The American Cancer Society is the nationwide community-based voluntary health organization dedicated to eliminating cancer as a major health problem by preventing cancer, saving lives, and diminishing suffering from cancer through research, education, advocacy, and service. For more information on cancer, call the American Cancer Society at 800-ACS-2345, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, or visit www.cancer.org.